Bandit

[Bandit]

Hello @Lotus20 and @ beautifulday

Thank you both for your responses, I’m so sorry for all of what you both have gone through too. I keep reading all what you have said and im nodding as you are so right the brain remembers all the good but not the bad, I have been keeping diaries and it tears me up inside what I have put up with, yet I’m still here at the moment, I keep saying to myself it is all so wrong yet it is so hard to break free when you are in this situation.

@beautifulday, you are so right with if he loved me he wouldn’t have cheated on me, and it’s more than a handful of times, he knew exactly what he was doing yet It’s not up fir discussion, as if I have to put up & shut up, sad to say I have done that through fear of reprocussions, thinking I can’t live without him, yet one thing that has been clear is if it was reversed, there would be no question where the door would be for me, yet I also feel guilty for what I’m doing.

From reading posts on here, it does give you that bit more strength, to know all of these behaviours & actions are not normal and all of us deserve so much more, writing and talking about things gives me that strength to think, I am absolutely doing the right thing, then you are alone and everything caves in but I know I cannot continue on eggshells, I will come out the other side.

You have both been a great help

[Bandit]

Hello,

I am very new here and experiencing exactly the same. I’m desperate to find some reassurance that leaving is the right thing to do, there have been no arguments for the past couple of weeks (it’s all emotional not physical) he’s being loving, wanting to go away for bank holiday, it’s as if it sucks me in to think, what a wonderful life this is what married life is about and I’m totally mistaken. I then get a wave of what he has done to me over the past (detail removed by moderator). I have a daughter who is (detail removed by moderator) (not with him thank goodness) she has heard everything & knows what he has done. I’ve been made to be isolated from my family, only have one sister as both parents have passed away, he hates my sister, started to slag off my one good friend, twists everything I say, so aggressive, it’s my fault if I haven’t told him it’s raining at home and he’s on the train back from (detail removed by moderator), there were (detail removed by moderator)  occasions (detail removed by moderator) when the police were called due to aggressive behaviour & I felt threatened, I have never heard the end of it, being told it wasn’t necessary, I over reacted, i constantly walk on eggshells, there is lots more of this behaviour. I then discovered he was seeing prostitutes, our sex life was great, this was the last I was expecting as no need to think otherwise, he had even said there is nothing we don’t do he would want to do) it was eating away at me for (detail removed by moderator) but I was also being detective, I confronted him, he denied it all (I’ve seen the evidence and there is no doubt what he done) he said he was disgusted with himself and he would never do it again, then he did (detail removed by moderator), he refused to log onto online banking to prove he withdrew (detail removed by moderator) (we have separate bank accounts and that god I do, the only thing he doesn’t control is my money). He refused to talk about it, explain why he done it, set boundaries, seek counselling for us to try and over one this he just wants to brush it under the carpet, if I bring it up he always twists the convo back to my sister and how much he hates her, it’s always me. I have no trust in what he tells me & he clearly has no respect for me, I know no-one is perfect but I do absolutely everything for him, have given thus marriage everything as that’s what marriage means to me, I make the commitment for life and he treats me like this, my sister says he has consumed me and I think his behaviour is acceptable as I know no different and it is so wrong.

I got the strength to find rented accommodation, due to make the move anyday now & wanted to be in before my daughter starts back at school but im like a yo yo wondering if I am making the right decision, I’ve been an emotional wreck & feel so terrible, not sleeping, eating. It’s as if I’m trying to find a reason not to leave but in my gut,I can’t & I have to do this for my daughter & myself, it is sooo hard and feel I just dont have that final bit of strength.

😢

 

 

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