Bodler

[Bodler]

Thank you everyone for your comments, it means a great deal to me to hear these. Thank you. Xx

[Bodler]

Hi Hawthorn,

I’m worried now and i don’t know who to call.
My husband has gone on the war path today totally upset the whole family all children crying but really went for my (detail removed by moderator) child as she stands up to him.
Called her a (detail removed by moderator), said to them all your mother and I are getting a divorce then you can go (detail removed  by moderator), to my daughter he said I will (detail removed by moderator) so you don’t have to come and stay, she’s only (detail removed by moderator) bless her x
I ask him to go to take a.walk to stop this they are children – it’s now not just verbal abuse to me it’s now on the children – he’s a verbally abusive drug addict father – ( we are not struggling on the money front) but how can he do this what kind of man is he … wicked just wicked to do this to my children and me. I have asked him to go and stay with his parents but he won’t leave. My other two children won’t leave with me, what do I do? I’m scared and I don’t want to call the police as the children will blame me, oh my god I’m so weak and stupid. What kind of mother am I to let this happen. I know it’s just words but my daughter is so messed up, she’s started hitting her little brother saying it’s his fault we didn’t leave today because he would come with me. I’m so sad.

[Bodler]

Hi again,

The things he says seem to get to me every time, thinking it’s me , is it me? He says it didn’t start off with him yelling shouting and swearing, am I missing something as it was a build up that I didn’t see or hear? Am I not listening to him?
He’s very quite at the moment , I’m wondering what he’s concocting.

[Bodler]

Thank you for your words – it really helps to hear this. Thank you xxx

[Bodler]

Just want to add to my last reply, I just want to make it better, to hug it out – I can’t stand this tension between us even though he doesn’t seem to want to hold me.

[Bodler]

Hi Hawthorn, thank you you are so helpful and making this all sound like sense to me. It’s just why can’t I see this? Why am I wanting to be hopeful that we could make it better! Although it’s always me making it better trying to be caring towards him making sure he feels cared for, I’ve often wondered why he never Apologises for his actions or words and then denies it? Strange? Why can’t he see this himeself? Why wouldn’t he want to keep family Harmony in the home? Why does he smoke so much w**d? – it’s all to escape it. He’s the one who hats not happy so why does he want to stay? Why do I want to stay?
I’ve been to IDAS a couple of times years ago and they told me they don’t change – I’ve been to IDAS 6 times last year and again said the same in a different way. WHY can’t I see what’s happening. I’ve read the books – why do I want to keep trying? I don’t even love him. It’s just, it must be that I just don’t want the children in a broken home. What I s also don’t like – and I shouldn’t care what people think but I don’t like that his friends and some of my friends don’t know exactly what he’s like and what abuse I have been through over the years. They think he’s a top guy. Who should I go and see professionally – IDAS again ? Councillor again – who best ? My family are such a support and so kind but I don’t want to bother them as they have heard it all before. Thank you for taking the time to read and respond to my other messages xxx

[Bodler]

Thinking – I’m the one that sulks and goes quite and can’t talk, he then attaches himself more to the children and try’s to act all nice as pie- so it makes me think could it be me? Could this be me manipulating the situation? Me making him feel bad and sad? He says I’m passive aggressive.. could I be the one that’s in the wrong?

[Bodler]

Hi thank you for your message, yes I am confused – I want to see the good in him, when he’s playful and fun, but I think that’s when he’s on the w**d. I want to be hopeful he will keep the good side of him around and depress the not so good ie the shouting and swearing, it only happened every few months now, is this just a married couple with (detail removed by moderator) children? People do have arguments?
I do feel though the arguments turn on me … calling me all sorts and blaming me for my family- his favourite at the moment saying is .. he says this to our children – “(detail removed by moderator)” why would he say that when I’m most definitely not! Just because I call him out on what I think is wrong ( to swear ) in front of them stop calling me and then (detail removed by moderator).
he has a nice side an good side but when he’s angry he’s a monster. I know it’s not right but is it? Is this a married couples life?

My parents arnt like this- I never saw my dad get angry with me or my mum ( they are still together) they have there little bickers but not what I’ve seen with my husband- my sister too – her marriage is kind. I don’t see others I hear about husbands and wives arguments but I never know the full as it’s behind closed doors. Am I in a toxic relationship or is it just he’s unhappy I can’t seem to make him happy and it’s done? I want to believe it can work but 2 separations and a non mol – I’m I just so blinkered? So stupid? To think I should carry on or is this just a case of I need to hear him out and try harder to love and care for him?

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