Hi Healingspirit,
Firstly, well done for taking time for you and healing from what you experienced. I’m sorry for the trauma you went through.
Secondly, I’m so happy to hear you’re in a new healthy relationship. I am lucky enough to now be married to a kind and supportive person but in our early days I experienced the exact same issues as you. I used toxic behaviour as my coping mechanism. One day it got so bad I realised I had become what I tried to escape from. I really had to look at myself and remind myself that I am no longer in that situation and I vowed to never act in that way ever again. I learnt to communicate with my partner. Explain everything I went through and why I acted in certain ways. Told him everything that went through my head and how I react sometimes not knowing why and with his support, I started to unlearn my toxic behaviour. It took time but I am so grateful that my husband was as supportive as he was. Everyone commented on how positively I changed and calmed. We’ve been together for (detail removed by Moderator) years now and there are times where those thoughts come back and that toxicity in me wants to come out but I will talk with my husband and we try to figure it out together.
When you’re in an healthy relationship you don’t need to act in a toxic way. Communication is so important and if they love you they will listen and it sounds like you’re with someone who really wants to support you. You just need to trust yourself.
Sending you all the best! X
