Endlessloop

[Endlessloop]

Thank you all for taking the time to reply to this – makes me feel less alone. The recent silent bout has now escalated. It’s so difficult to see what’s general lockdown strains and abuse, but I think my eyes are opening. Like I said I’ve dealt with this for years. I’m ready to go, I’ve had enough. I feel toxic too inside and it eating me up. I want to leave and erase my brain and start again. So hard after years and years.

[Endlessloop]

And also unless I end up trying to fix it, after a while I get ranted at that this is an such an awful relationship and how do I expect him to be in a relationship like this…even tho he started the silence. It’s actually madness.

[Endlessloop]

Thank you for your replies. I try to a certain degree to get on with things but after a few days it feels so icy and cold. And then weirdly I feel like Im being just as toxic. I find it difficult to cook just for myself and child…I feel petty yet should remember I’ve just been called an awful name . And now I’m lockdown there is no ‘life’ to be getting on with. It’s like a lockdown within a lockdown.

[Endlessloop]

In the middle of a silent cycle I feel so anxious and like I’m nothing. And it makes me feel just as bad as him if I also give him cold shoulder – but if I say morning or anything I just get a glare, so demeaning.

Any advice on how to break the silence without having boundaries trampled all over time and time again? In the middle of it I feel like I could leave and he’d never say another word to me again. Am I worth that little?

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