FreshStart21

[FreshStart21]

I’m watching Station 19 on Netflix. Wasting my days and nights. I have no interest or motivation to do anything. It is horrible living like this.

[FreshStart21]

You mentioned that you feel a weak person because you stay in the relationship. Leaving an abusive relationship is really hard, When you start to think I need to end the relationship because of how it is affecting yourself mentally but as you say it’s so draining and to face the challenges when you do decide to leave,

You will need support and plans on where to live and to be safe. I got support from IDVA who was brilliant with me when my relationship broke down (timeframe removed by Moderator).

Try and have a look at the Victim’s Support website. There is a lot of information which you may find helpful.

Stay strong and keep going

Take care

[FreshStart21]

Hi YuYu

(employment history removed by Moderator). It  is wrong the way they have been treating you. Showing no empathy and not giving you the support you need, so that you can register for housing and then start bidding in them every week.

I have also lived in a mother and baby refuge for a short spell. I had my own flat. I was lucky the staff were good and I had one to one sessions with them. They always buzzed in a morning and evening to check I was okay. It was lonely living there,. I had a lot going on with my family at the time and depression went downhill. I ended up in hospital and went to live with my parents ts again. I eventually got better with 6 months supply from the mental health team…

Stay strong, take care.

 

[FreshStart21]

It was so stressful and upsetting, I was alone sorting out somewhere to live.

I did it though.  I escaped and glad I did because the abuse was escalating and he has already beat me up after I had my daughter.

We haven’t spoken since that happened… Years. He has got married again (detail removed by Moderator) I really hate him for how he treated me for all the years we was married…

You are not alone.. keep posting

Take care

Xx

[FreshStart21]

What use to annoy me was school friends thought I lived the charmed life. He always put on a good front with them, cracking jokes. I didn’t find him funny.. we had 2 nice cars, went on long haul holidays at Xmas and Year. They were awful because of him!!!!! I would always go to bed early after our meals.

When my children got older we had to book 2 rooms so I shared with my daughter. It was great. Not having him dig me in my back when I was sleeping…

I am so happy I got to escape (number removed by Moderator)x from him… He isn’t a good Dad and it gets me so angry. We don’t speak anymore after I had him arrested when he assaulted me. I had to sort out somewhere to live. Whilst I was giving my statement to the police. My son packed all my clothes in 2 big suitcases.,, He treated me like his Dad and I was disgusted with him. So I had to stay in a hotel for (number removed by Moderator) nights and then went to live in a women’s refuge. I had my own flat. I couldn’t tell my parents what happened and get them all stressed out.

 

[FreshStart21]

Hi Minnie

I am really sorry to hear how you’re husband is treating you. You have done nothing wrong and don’t need to apologise all the time. He is in the wrong, not you.

My ex husband was exactly the same with me. Silent treatment all the time for no reason. So when he worked from home l would stay out of the house as much as possible, just go avoid him. My children were at school, I always picked them up.

Little things used to get him angry with me and then the silent treatment. I agree with you it is mentally draining.

The best part of our marriage was when he worked away for (number removed by Moderator) nights.,,, I could finally breathe again, sit in the living room, listen to my music. Then when he was due home I had to have the house spotless, nothing out of place. I have chronic pain with my back, depression and anxiety.

He could only work away because I was stay at home Mum, so we didn’t have to rely on other people for school times etc.  It was the worse decision I made, I was only part time and had dropped my hours.

Keep safe. Take care

Sending gentle hugs 🤗 xxx

[FreshStart21]

Be very careful with him… Perhaps suggest couples counselling before you decide to take it to the next level… See what his reaction is. Also you aren’t living together at the moment and as you said nobody knows you are seeing him again. It is exciting for you and he is being on his best behaviour with you, showing you how it will be if you got back together.

You worked hard to escape him, next time you might not get that chance again.

Take care and sending hugs to you.

Keep posting.

[FreshStart21]

Hi

I reconnected with my ex husband after my ex boyfriend died… He was saying things like it will be good for you to be with my children, living together again. We was going through a divorce at the time.

I packed up my flat and got rid of most of my things. Went back to being with him, The abuse was a lot worse for me, he was jealous because he didn’t know my friends who he could control. I was also working in a job where I worked sleeped in for 48 hours…

One night he was drunk and abused me emotionally for (timeframe removed by Moderator) hours . I stayed downstairs and he wouldn’t leave me alone… He woke me up the following morning pouring a lager over my head, he then kicked me hard in (detail removed by Moderator) when I stood up he shoved me into (detail removed by Moderator).

I went upstairs to pack my case he was verbally abusive and so was my son.., my son packed up my large cases. Anyways I got on the phone with my friend and she said give me the green light to ring the police. I said green. The police were with me within 10 minutes. l has him arrested for domestic assault.

A leopard never change their spots

[FreshStart21]

Sorry to hear that you are going through such a stressful time right now. It sounds like you have a lot to deal with and it is all overwhelming.

Some grounding techniques may be helpful, if you know of any. I find meditating helps myself when my thoughts all get too much for me. I also watch endless TV series as well. I watch ‘the HouseWives series’ seeing them argue over trivial things can be quite funny. When I was in hospital the adult colouring book also helped to calm my thoughts down a little as well. Distracted me for a bit.

Sending gentle hugs your way. Take care of Yourself

Keep posting

[FreshStart21]

Sorry to hear they you are going through such a stressful and worrying time with your family. Especially after just fleeing to your new home to be safe.

Have you managed to get any advice/support about what to do to keep yourself safe.

Hope you are okay, sending gentle hugs your way.

Take care and keep posting.

[FreshStart21]

Sending hugs your way… Take care of yourself. Keep safe.

Keep posting

[FreshStart21]

Yes my ex years ago stalked and harassed me. He knew my work hours, would come to my flat, high age drunk when I finished work at night. I had to ring the police to have him removed by because I wasn’t letting him into my  flat. He was crying,begging me to take him back, how much he was missing me. It was really upsetting and I felt scared.

He would email constantly because I blocked him on everything. Police were involved and he was very close to being arrested because of my safety. Previously he got a (item removed by Moderator) and tried to ram my flat door so he could gain entry. My neighbours rang the police again to have him removed. I was clueless. My neighbour told me about it. He has turned up with black eye and busted nose. He couldn’t tell me what had happened.

I ended getting back together with him because it made my life easier. It was a horrible feeling, not knowing what he would do next to get into my flat. Luckily I lived in the (detail removed by Moderator) floor. Scared, looking round to see if he was in the area. He turned up where I worked. He went to my parents who lived miles from me and told them that my depression wasn’t good and he was worried about me. He knew they had a key. So he got my parents all worried and anxious. When they walked in my flat I was sat watching TV. They were very surprised when I told them I am feeling okay and my mental health was ok too.

This was years ago and I still remember all what he did. He has died, so I have full closure.

Since I have had a traumatic events leaving my ex (timeframe removed by Moderator). I have high anxiety going out of my flat. I won’t honour alone. I have become a recluse. I have severe depression and anxiety.

 

[FreshStart21]

Also I was r recommended a book by my social prescriber who is supporting me because I a lot of anxiety.

It’s called Get Out Get Love (Dr Craig Newman)  – what everyone should know in, and after abusive relationships.

It takes you through 3 key stages – getting understanding (of the reasons we fall into abuse and why we tolerate it). getting out ( escaping, breaking the cycle and staying away) and getting love ( seeking closure, regaining trust developing self-love).

I am finding it very helpful because as well as information about different stages there is also exercises to support. He recommends journalling, I have never done it before because I find it hard writing about myself. I am slowly doing and finding it helpful too.

You can buy the book off Amazon.

Take care of yourself and remember to also be kind to yourself as well.

[FreshStart21]

Block him on everything so he can’t mither you about seeing the dog. He has moved on, got a new GF. Maybe he should get a dog, if he is so desperate to see yours.

Even when they move on with their lives, get new GF etc.. Meanwhile we are feeling exhausted from their abuse, feel anxious and lose our confidence too, but they still make excuses to try and see us again.

You have managed to get rid of him. This is now your time to recover mentally and physically. It takes time. Is there any domestic abuse support groups in your area?

Maybe Try new hobbies when you feel ready to keep you distracted from thinking about him…  I have found meditation really helpful, adult colouring books too, reading magazines because my concentration is really poor. I have severe depression and anxiety.

If he is turning up drunk and being abusive. I would ring the police, if you feel safe to do it. You don’t deserve to be called names, him upsetting you again. It is all logged then.

Perhaps keep a diary what he is doing about the dog, what times, what he says etc. You have evidence then. Could you apply for a restraining order? If non molestation order. To keep you safe if he is turning up drunk.

Sending you a big gentle hug, I am also trying to recover from my abusive ex. It takes time to heal.

Take care and keep posting.

 

 

[FreshStart21]

So sorry I put Angel 2 instead of Angela2.

[FreshStart21]

Hi Angel 2

I am also a survivor of abuse and sexual abuse. I say abuse because I have survived so much… Emotional, physical, cohesive, narcissist, financial, gas lighting.

I am severely depressed and I now have anxiety too… I can’t sleep at night. I only have 1 close friend because I dont trust people outside my family. Everyday is the same for me. I have no interest in myself or anything, no motivation to do things, I am not eating properly.

My head is just a mess, I can’t remember things properly… Like you say it is very lonely.

You are not worthless, and I have read that you have to be kind to yourself… This is something I really struggle to flat the moment.

Sending gentle hugs, and I want you know you are not alone going through this… Keep posting. Take care

[FreshStart21]

Hello Be Kind To Yourself 

It is so emotionally draining being stuck in the cycle of abuse. Every day is different with them and what triggers them. I never told many people about my abuse and how bad it was. He inserted himself into my friendships I had with school Mum’s… He was very controlling.

People who haven’t been in abusive relationships don’t understand that it isn’t that simple to just leave. If you do leave them, you find yourself being back with them again. Only to find the abuse can get worse.

It is even harder for us when we have children with them. There will come a point when you will decide to leave and it will be for good, but only when you’re ready. In the meantime, remember to be kind to yourself and that it is not your fault.

Sending gentle hugs and take care… Keep posting for support.

[FreshStart21]

Hi

I’m so sorry that you are going through such a distressing time. I don’t understand how they can tell you that you have rang too many times?? They are supposed to understand domestic abuse and that it can take women multiple times before they finally feel ready to leave their abusive relationship.

 

Do you have family or any close friends who could offer further support, so that you don’t feel so alone at the moment. You need to feel safe and supported. It is so overwhelming when we go through so much trauma, not sure who to contact at that time, if it’s the right support… Then you start to doubt yourself? Are we doing the right thing? Etc

I hope you get the help and support you need. Take care.

Keep posting…

[FreshStart21]

No you aren’t overreacting at all…. What he has done to you is horrible. You don’t deserve to be treated this way by the person you thought you could trust during sex. Trying to put all the blame on yourself when he was the Instator. Getting angry towards you as well. It sounds like you may of felt scared as well. Has he done anything like this before?

If you can do so safely you may find it helpful to have a one to one chat with an DA advisors.

Keep posting for support. Take care x

[FreshStart21]

Hi… I am new too. I have been in abusive relationships for over (number removed by Moderator) years . My ex husband… I managed to leave him. Then I have had (number removed by Moderator) further abusive relationships.

I have been through so much like yourself it’s horrible. .. I suffered with my mental health… Still suffering with it today. My recent ex left (timeframe removed by Moderator) after he punched the window in my door so he could get to the key. Police called. I had only come out of hospital after being in (timeframe removed by Moderator) before… He was addicted to cocaine. I hate the stuff! He is also an alcoholic too.

It was all a mess for me, feeling suicidal, had to deal with that trauma… I had the support of an IDVA who was brilliant. I also had a housing officer as well. I was high risk so had to move away from my flat. He doesn’t know where I am living.

Like yourself I am a survivor buri don’t feel like one. I just feel lost, lonely, upset, feeling ashamed that I didn’t see the abuse with him…. Life is just so tough

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