FreshStart21

[FreshStart21]

Sorry to hear that you are going through such a stressful time right now. It sounds like you have a lot to deal with and it is all overwhelming.

Some grounding techniques may be helpful, if you know of any. I find meditating helps myself when my thoughts all get too much for me. I also watch endless TV series as well. I watch ‘the HouseWives series’ seeing them argue over trivial things can be quite funny. When I was in hospital the adult colouring book also helped to calm my thoughts down a little as well. Distracted me for a bit.

Sending gentle hugs your way. Take care of Yourself

Keep posting

[FreshStart21]

Sorry to hear they you are going through such a stressful and worrying time with your family. Especially after just fleeing to your new home to be safe.

Have you managed to get any advice/support about what to do to keep yourself safe.

Hope you are okay, sending gentle hugs your way.

Take care and keep posting.

[FreshStart21]

Sending hugs your way… Take care of yourself. Keep safe.

Keep posting

[FreshStart21]

Yes my ex years ago stalked and harassed me. He knew my work hours, would come to my flat, high age drunk when I finished work at night. I had to ring the police to have him removed by because I wasn’t letting him into my  flat. He was crying,begging me to take him back, how much he was missing me. It was really upsetting and I felt scared.

He would email constantly because I blocked him on everything. Police were involved and he was very close to being arrested because of my safety. Previously he got a goal post and tried to ram my flat door so he could gain entry. My neighbours rang the police again to have him removed. I was clueless. My neighbour told me about it. He has turned up with black eye and busted nose. He couldn’t tell me what had happened.

I ended getting back together with him because it made my life easier. It was a horrible feeling, not knowing what he would do next to get into my flat. Luckily I lived in the first floor. Scared, looking round to see if he was in the area. He turned up where I worked. He went to my parents who lived miles from me and told them that my depression wasn’t good and he was worried about me. He knew they had a key. So he got my parents all worried and anxious. When they walked in my flat I was sat watching TV. They were very surprised when I told them I am feeling okay and my mental health was ok too.

This was years ago and I still remember all what he did. He has died, so I have full closure.

Since I have had a traumatic events leaving my ex last year. I have high anxiety going out of my flat. I won’t honour alone. I have become a recluse. I have severe depression and anxiety.

 

[FreshStart21]

Also I was r recommended a book by my social prescriber who is supporting me because I a lot of anxiety.

It’s called Get Out Get Love (Dr Craig Newman)  – what everyone should know in, and after abusive relationships.

It takes you through 3 key stages – getting understanding (of the reasons we fall into abuse and why we tolerate it). getting out ( escaping, breaking the cycle and staying away) and getting love ( seeking closure, regaining trust developing self-love).

I am finding it very helpful because as well as information about different stages there is also exercises to support. He recommends journalling, I have never done it before because I find it hard writing about myself. I am slowly doing and finding it helpful too.

You can buy the book off Amazon.

Take care of yourself and remember to also be kind to yourself as well.

[FreshStart21]

Block him on everything so he can’t mither you about seeing the dog. He has moved on, got a new GF. Maybe he should get a dog, if he is so desperate to see yours.

Even when they move on with their lives, get new GF etc.. Meanwhile we are feeling exhausted from their abuse, feel anxious and lose our confidence too, but they still make excuses to try and see us again.

You have managed to get rid of him. This is now your time to recover mentally and physically. It takes time. Is there any domestic abuse support groups in your area?

Maybe Try new hobbies when you feel ready to keep you distracted from thinking about him…  I have found meditation really helpful, adult colouring books too, reading magazines because my concentration is really poor. I have severe depression and anxiety.

If he is turning up drunk and being abusive. I would ring the police, if you feel safe to do it. You don’t deserve to be called names, him upsetting you again. It is all logged then.

Perhaps keep a diary what he is doing about the dog, what times, what he says etc. You have evidence then. Could you apply for a restraining order? If non molestation order. To keep you safe if he is turning up drunk.

Sending you a big gentle hug, I am also trying to recover from my abusive ex. It takes time to heal.

Take care and keep posting.

 

 

[FreshStart21]

So sorry I put Angel 2 instead of Angela2.

[FreshStart21]

Hi Angel 2

I am also a survivor of abuse and sexual abuse. I say abuse because I have survived so much… Emotional, physical, cohesive, narcissist, financial, gas lighting.

I am severely depressed and I now have anxiety too… I can’t sleep at night. I only have 1 close friend because I dont trust people outside my family. Everyday is the same for me. I have no interest in myself or anything, no motivation to do things, I am not eating properly.

My head is just a mess, I can’t remember things properly… Like you say it is very lonely.

You are not worthless, and I have read that you have to be kind to yourself… This is something I really struggle to flat the moment.

Sending gentle hugs, and I want you know you are not alone going through this… Keep posting. Take care

[FreshStart21]

Hello Be Kind To Yourself 

It is so emotionally draining being stuck in the cycle of abuse. Every day is different with them and what triggers them. I never told many people about my abuse and how bad it was. He inserted himself into my friendships I had with school Mum’s… He was very controlling.

People who haven’t been in abusive relationships don’t understand that it isn’t that simple to just leave. If you do leave them, you find yourself being back with them again. Only to find the abuse can get worse.

It is even harder for us when we have children with them. There will come a point when you will decide to leave and it will be for good, but only when you’re ready. In the meantime, remember to be kind to yourself and that it is not your fault.

Sending gentle hugs and take care… Keep posting for support.

[FreshStart21]

Hi

I’m so sorry that you are going through such a distressing time. I don’t understand how they can tell you that you have rang too many times?? They are supposed to understand domestic abuse and that it can take women multiple times before they finally feel ready to leave their abusive relationship.

 

Do you have family or any close friends who could offer further support, so that you don’t feel so alone at the moment. You need to feel safe and supported. It is so overwhelming when we go through so much trauma, not sure who to contact at that time, if it’s the right support… Then you start to doubt yourself? Are we doing the right thing? Etc

I hope you get the help and support you need. Take care.

Keep posting…

[FreshStart21]

No you aren’t overreacting at all…. What he has done to you is horrible. You don’t deserve to be treated this way by the person you thought you could trust during sex. Trying to put all the blame on yourself when he was the Instator. Getting angry towards you as well. It sounds like you may of felt scared as well. Has he done anything like this before?

If you can do so safely you may find it helpful to have a one to one chat with an DA advisors.

Keep posting for support. Take care x

[FreshStart21]

Hi… I am new too. I have been in abusive relationships for over (number removed by Moderator) years . My ex husband… I managed to leave him. Then I have had (number removed by Moderator) further abusive relationships.

I have been through so much like yourself it’s horrible. .. I suffered with my mental health… Still suffering with it today. My recent ex left (timeframe removed by Moderator) after he punched the window in my door so he could get to the key. Police called. I had only come out of hospital after being in (timeframe removed by Moderator) before… He was addicted to cocaine. I hate the stuff! He is also an alcoholic too.

It was all a mess for me, feeling suicidal, had to deal with that trauma… I had the support of an IDVA who was brilliant. I also had a housing officer as well. I was high risk so had to move away from my flat. He doesn’t know where I am living.

Like yourself I am a survivor buri don’t feel like one. I just feel lost, lonely, upset, feeling ashamed that I didn’t see the abuse with him…. Life is just so tough

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