GlitterPetals

[GlitterPetals]

Yes I think the one of the problems is denial that they never knew he could be like that, and another is not wanting to make themselves a target by being with you.

I’m not in the “after” stage yet. But if I ever am, I know I’m pretty much going to have to stick with people that don’t know him or are not afraid to be seen with me.

It’s so sad. But we do have people who can love and support us – even if they’re just online – or we haven’t met them yet.

Sending hugs.

[GlitterPetals]

anotherlife – thank you and I wish the very same for you.

[GlitterPetals]

Iwantmeback – I phoned them at first. Then they asked me to go in and talk to them. I nearly cancelled the appointment several times. And on my way there I had to stop to go to the toilet several times; I was clenching my jaw shut so tight it hurt, and I was clutching my bag really tight too. When I got there I felt really sick. But they put me at ease and it has been explained that he’s using coercive control and financial abuse which are against the law.

Be warned if they hear that you are at a certain level of risk they might decide to arrest even without your permission- so maybe look at the met website first for info, then only make the report when you are just about to leave or if you don’t mind when they do something. Otherwise an advocate from women’s aid can help you decide when to do things, so maybe wait until you see them.

Tiffany – yeah I think he senses my mind is elsewhere. Also after the last big argument and losing his job, I decided to tell him exactly what I thought was the problem. He said he took it on board, but get a drink down him and he’s back to conspiracy theories and denial and thinking everyone is against him. He very much sees himself as a victim.

I have been called “mean” for telling him he was scaring me! He fails to see the irony in that.

I think he knows he’s abusive and he tries not to be. He can be so loving in between. Respectful and totally supportive… But it’s been many years now, and I know he’ll get nasty again soon.

One thing I do have going for me is that he is very well known on social media and is very attached to his image of being the “good guy with the bad luck”. So I do feel like that may limit how vengeful he will actually be, but equally I will be painted as a lying deserter. There’s no getting away from that. But I just have to accept that.

This isn’t about other people’s opinions. It’s about mine and the kids’ safety and happiness.

I’m getting towards mid life right now. And I need a better life!

Anyway thanks for that advice. I think I will sadly have to leave this house rather than the other way around.

Lord knows when I’ll get the courage to do it, but I’m inching closer bit by bit.

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