honeybeewings

[honeybeewings]

I went to HR and off the back of that he’s no longer allowed to talk to me. I’ve tried communicating with HR how it’s impacting me mentally and how I find it triggering but the viewpoint I was given was that I was dragging it back up, needed to put it behind me and get over it

[honeybeewings]

It’s not easy, that’s for sure.

I’m looking into getting a new job in the next few months (for a variety of reasons, not just him) but in the meantime I need to find a way not to let it get to me to the point where I’m panicking or getting upset/angry.

It just hurts and I’m angry at myself for allowing myself to get upset or feel like a victim!

Argh!

[honeybeewings]

Hi all,

Me again! Since last update I took a week off work and have been continuously working with my therapist on how to manage my feelings and feel like ‘me again’. We came up with a mantra “It’s not about him, it’s about me”

I was doing relatively well until yesterday when I ended up seeing him (coincidentally) a lot in the office throughout the day (lunch break, coffee breaks, etc)

We didn’t speak, we never do, but it gets under my skin so much to see him pretending to people that he’s Mr Nice Guy when they don’t know what he’s really like. It even makes me doubt myself when I KNOW he’s not a nice person, I’ve seen it!

I kept getting ‘flashbacks’ (for want of a better word) of things he’d said/done, of all the pressure, of the constant pushing of his feelings and how obsessive and unfair he eventually became, and how much his constant contradictions, denials, false promises and insistence that I was ‘misunderstanding’ him warped my mind.

In the end, I had a panic attack and then last night could barely sleep and was dreaming about it all the whole night so feeling very fragile today.

Does anyone else get this? The flashbacks? The embarrassment? Occasionally I even get flashes of pity for him or miss our friendship, although I know it wasn’t ever real, because he always had a motive.

Just having a down day today. xx

[honeybeewings]

Thank you xx

I have decided to take some time off so that I can have a mental reset. I need it. I had no idea it would hit me so hard to see him just settle back into the office so happy and not having an ounce of care or remorse – but I need to accept that.

I need to be able to work and socialise and be present without panicking or wanting to cry or feeling like I’ve been punched in the stomach every time I see him.

If anyone has any advice on how I can let go of the anger/hurt and sense of ‘it’s not fair’ it would be much appreciated!

I just want peace and to be as completely indifferent as he is and be able to just be happy without constantly going over it in my head, I know that’s not healthy for me.

As always, thank you for listening x

[honeybeewings]

Yeah, it was a massive slap in the face for HR to tell me it seemed like he really cared because it’s simply not the case – his behaviour was obsessive and aggressive, not caring.

I’m trying to find peace with it and move forward but obviously it isn’t that simple, you can’t flip a switch and forget it all or how you were treated and how trapped you feel.

I spoke to my manager about it recently (I couldn’t during the HR investigation) and she was very understanding and very disappointed/annoyed with how it was handled (he didn’t have to apologise to me and I never had the chance to talk to him about it or tell him how it made me feel)

It angers me that the moment it stopped being a ‘fun game’ for him, a secret, some twisted little fantasy, that he just shrugged it off and went back to normality and his family while I was left to struggle.

I’m trying to take it day by day and not throw myself into a victim mentality – some days I’m okay and some days I’m upset… I suppose it’s just a case of time

[honeybeewings]

I’m so sorry that happened to you, I can’t imagine how hurtful and frustrating that must have been. I’m so sorry for every woman who has gone through this but I can’t even tell you how relieved it makes me that you understand what I’m going through.

It’s so hard and it really does make you feel as though you’re going crazy, especially when you miss them. It’s the most isolating feeling. Sometimes I feel like I can’t even leave the house! (Then I get angry at myself for feeling that way)

Seeing him in the office is difficult but I know I need to find a way to make peace with it. I can’t let him take that away from me, I won’t be driven out of my job.

I’m seeing a counsellor and she’s helping but I’m still battling with depression massively. I absolutely fell to pieces this week and cried harder than I have in months. I felt suicidal. I feel as though pieces of me have been taken away and I don’t feel like myself.

I know a lot of people are concerned and deeply care about me, my friends, my family, my colleagues (bar the HR woman who’s been taken in by his lies) but I just don’t know how to pull myself out of feeling like this – humiliated, betrayed, weak, pathetic. How do I move past this and not let him completely erode my sense of self worth? What can I do to realign my confidence and move past the feelings of weakness and embarrassment?

I am so thankful to each and every one of you who are taking the time to write and to help me. You are all wonderful and I am indescribably grateful x

[honeybeewings]

Thank you both so much ❤️

I can’t tell you how much it means to speak to people who understand, who know just how much this kind of behaviour can impact your mental health and sense of self worth and how frustrating it can be seeing others not know what they’re really like.

I know I need to just ignore him and not let it get to me but I don’t know how to do that yet, especially when I have to see him daily, as well as knowing HR are on his side.

I will try my best not to doubt myself and not to let him affect me, it’s just still very raw right now and I keep going over it all in my head.

Thank you for being here xx

[honeybeewings]

Thank you both… I’m finding it so, so hard.

I feel like my feelings were completely ignored and dismissed in his pursuit for what he wanted. I feel as though our friendship was never genuine from his side and he’s excellent at being manipulative and saying what people want to hear.

HR has been completely taken in by his victim act, I spoke to her today and she told me AGAIN that (detail removed by moderator) – would someone who cared for me have done this??

She said he was ‘very apologetic’ until I pointed out he’d apologised to her, not me. He’d told her that he was sorry for any hurt he’d caused but I just know he doesn’t actually feel any remorse. She seems so swayed by everything he said, to the point that she interjected with (detail removed by moderator)

But he IS married!! That’s the point! That’s the whole issue!

I just don’t know how to get through this or how to get my self-worth back. I don’t want to leave my job, I love it here, I’m just struggling so much.

[honeybeewings]

Thank you, IWMB, truly, thank you. I just feel lost at the moment, I’m struggling with any sense of self-worth and I hurt.

To have someone tell you they’re crazy about you, that you’re all they ever wanted and then to consistently criticise you whilst still going home and playing happy families just played total havoc with my mind. He’d say things and deny saying them, said I was too over-sensitive or getting him wrong… it’s like my sense of reality has been warped.

I feel angry at myself that I let it happen and that I couldn’t be more assertive. I feel angry that I felt like I needed validation from him… I’m still angry now, at myself, for still being upset over it.

I have to remind myself that people who truly care about you don’t act like that, don’t treat you like that. It’s exhausting and I’m so tired 🙁

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