Icanbuymyselfflowers

[Icanbuymyselfflowers]

Phew…. How to start? I want to shout out hello ladies its been a year and im out and free for good!

However, reading all my messages today from top to bottom. – what a clice? All my options i was exploring on how to leave.

I went and down them all. I tryed going to refuge but was turned away. Because i scored low or last accident was more than 3months ago….

Then became homeless as landlord asked me to leave and i finally moved far away. First it was emergency hostel accommodation but only for 2weeks and then private rent. Children relocated school and im doing great at same work…

So i should be right now jumping up and down the roof because i made it. I went and explored all my options and got trough it!!!

(detail removed by moderator) Because i got volnurable again and let him back in. Friends with benefits? – no! Ladies be firm and keep them shut out.

This has put me in risk again and therefore i was able to move swiftly.

So much happened in between, family wise etc. and you realise how lonely you are. And once you are away from your ex. The support network around you starts to vanish as your situation gets deemed as safe now. You are ok now. You have moved house now. You are far away. You will start frest. New beginnings… and the support or moreover the ‘how are things’ is reduced. And you want to just go with it and say yes all is good now!

But actually, you become lonely in a new environment. Alone. And there is one person who knows you and you know them. And this is confort.

Im so ashamed but my ex i allowed him to visit. Despite taking this long journey to start fresh. Something clicked and there he is back in your life

Being chaged men, knowing he did wrong. Wanting to be the right person and prioritising family life and structure.

But my love for him is gone, maybe i felt fretened of loosing him for good (detail removed by moderator) But actually this is what i always wished! For him to go and start a new family so i can have peice and closure.

God has answered my prayers. Im maybe sorry that she is going to have the man i wished him to be for our family. But also im sorry for her what if he isn’t?

Well my ladies this is my anual update! Celebration for sure. Sitting in my living room, with the fire pit burning. Relaxed not looking over my shoulder not scared or worried. Just relaxed, relevied and grateful for he has moved on and i have found my way out!

Fingers crossed this is it…

So if you are at the start of your journey or middle or thought you are over it now, please keep talking and sharing and keep your head up – all will come together at gods pace and will…

Salut my ladies!

[Icanbuymyselfflowers]

Hello my online lived experience friends. I thought i check in and read my first post seeing how ready steady go i felt at that stage.

I still think that those days calling the police etc was the bravest so far.

However, few weeks months past and after contacting me 4 times since what happened he has now stopped. Which is great.

Im thinking of whats next and relocating elsewhere, away from this place where it all happened.

However, council not really keen to do
Much as i am not homeless and acomadation is mine and im deemed as safe now.

Im truly thinking of going to refuge.but i feel selfish about it. As there are so many people waiting to be housed and i have a house but want to take someones elses place at shelter or refuge.

The main reasons are probably that refuge is closer to my workspace in other city far off from perpetrater and my child is starting secondary school this year so i think is a good time to relocate and having no luck in private secot due to ccjs he did on my name.

I have no energy to go and figh that off my credit report yet.

I been working and have not had time or i havve not allowed my self to dwell into my pain yet.

Im like nothing happened. Business as asusal. Thought im very resilient person i think going to refuge i feel like i will be able to slow down and rethink what is important and how to go forward. I want to go there for emotional support but i will also make my self kind of homeless by going there which i think is irational as i have a place to be and stay….

[Icanbuymyselfflowers]

Hello how is everyone? What were your feelings, stages you emotionally went through after gettIng out of the relationship?

I have dreams each nigh of him trying to break into my home. Just seeing his angry eyes and me thinking how do i keep the situation calm…..

We all stoped being on our tows every time we hear a bang or keep looking out the window every time someone passes. I am not locking up every door now and not feeling anxious going to sleep anymore….

However, i often feel annoyed, angry, raged inside me and same times vulnerable and emotional.

Im starting doing our best course from next week face to face in a group environment i think. Looking forward to it. Maybe having some people with same experience around me will help to debrief with someone. Feels like i have no one to talk to other then this online platform.

[Icanbuymyselfflowers]

Hello humble souls of womens aid.

I have a sad update…

Unfortunately, after (detail removed by Moderator) of him behaving him self, he kicked off. And i mean he (detail removed by Moderator) and attacked me.

His raged lasted (detail removed by Moderator) minutes before he realised the situation and left.

It was horrible, police were on the phone and came late.

(detail removed by Moderator) away from that now, i had social workers over and i am having my womens aid appointment next week. I asked the police to put an alarm at my home and while he is on bail i am looking to relocate.

So, reflecting to the first post, i have hopefully been through the most difficult part and will use this time to recover and start fresh elsewhere….

[Icanbuymyselfflowers]

Beautiful souls, women strong as a mountain and yet light as a feather. Do you know that once you hit bottom rock the only way is up?

Yes you do! Thats why you are here! Well i have great news and hope this will cheer someone up!

Im (detail removed by Moderator)nights free. Free of arguments, free of feeling in a box, free of walking on egg shells, free of finding whatever is there to be occupied, free of working non stop, free of being called all sorts of names, free of dirty looks, free to call my family, free of see my friends, free of nasty atitudes, free of being fretend, free of being cornered, free to do what i want and free of tha m. F. Piece of sh.

At last… and forever this time!

The last (detail removed by Moderator) days we’re actually more stressful and scary than having him in my house. I did not know whats coming, i was afraid.

First it was rage but only outside my house, knocking on my door (detail removed by Moderator)- how greatfull im for changing the lock! – i kept strong.

Than came the : i was wrong im sorry you had all the right to kick me out… – I literally cant care more of what he says, but at this stage i knew the rage has stoped and he will stop turning up (detail removed by Moderator) knocking on my door. – relieved!

Now on to my next chapter, whixh will be putting boundries around visitation so that we both know what to expect going forward…. Hopefully this will be enough to break the cycle for good.

My ladies THANK YOU! from the bottom of my heart. I know my journey is not over but i have made a small step for my self but a giant leap for my future!

So please if you reading and feeling low and your day was hard and you on this site again please go and take a good look in the mirror because you are magnificent and you will get through this!

Salut my ladies!

[Icanbuymyselfflowers]

Hello, good news!
I have changed the lock on (detail removed by moderator).
Called the police on (detail removed by moderator).
There was no arrest I have just asked police to ask him to leave. Case closed.

It’s the weekend now and I think he will try to come back.

I don’t think there was any order to keep him away.

What were your next step after he was out the house?

[Icanbuymyselfflowers]

Hi Lisa,

Yes i have called my local dv support and hanged up and called again! And a nice young lady picked up.

Started with telling me what abuse is which is when I stoped her and said you don’t need to name them – I know.

But for the first time someone wasent scared or horrified to ask questions of what I want to do etc.

Did anyone else experience people putting clear boundaries on: i wont ask questions but im here if you need to talk, I can’t give you any advice though. Any conversation about this needs to come from you?

I have told my two colleagues as it feels like safe space and diferent from my family and friends as it’s not in my personal life if you know what I mean.

Both friends/colleagues suportive but is there a term or what so to say the above??!

If someone opened up, they want to speak without being told conversations needs to start form you. – is good to ask!, feeling like they used google search to say kinda the same thing.

Anyway, going bk to the lovely lady from dv support on the phone.

I told her that I found these videos and know this is a good time, as he won’t escalate if i Frow him out.

We been discussing how changing lock can make him angry and to call the police than.

However I explained why on earth would I put my self in that position?

My plan is to walk into the police station and explain I need this man escorted, as the house is mine and I simply don’t want him there.

She asked if I have any prove of asking him to leave. I said yes i do, but dont need none as is my house he has nothing to do there.

Ok, my ladies i have changed the lock yesterday!!!!

(Detail removed by Moderator).

Right now he is soft, quite… I know that economically he is also well to go wherever (agreed with dv worker he is an adult and not my responsibility to care where he will end up!)

Im really glad i had someone to spoke to.. and today I will just finally have to walk in to police and ask them to remove him! I will be also making a harasment statement so I can get molestation order

I hope him seeing police, he will understand im not playing anymore…

Wish me courage please!

[Icanbuymyselfflowers]

Im continuing posting…

Yesterday, I have found videos of him cheating with all sorts of women.

Not surprising, no feelings awoke, actually I’m glad.

I have the copies now. And this can help me to get him out. It’s a prove.

I have packed his clothes and tomorrow I will go and change the locks and put his close out and send him the videos.

I am hoping this is enough. But im going to use the online chat now and squire about lawyer and molestation order.

This is my opportunity. I have to take it.

[Icanbuymyselfflowers]

Hello,

I like this topic! I agree with ss advising not to date for 2yrs after abusive relationship.

It is the same think like going to therapy you become attached and trust anyone who shows affection. Therefore self love first working on our self and figuring out what we like and want is more important at that stage. Time for self healing is so important.however many who goes through abuse, feel empty and want to replace the holl.

As you said dating someone nice makes you realise what a shity relationship you had! But trust me is true we do not know how to take it as we are not used to being recipient of love. Therefore, theres loads of unresolved trauma that will start to display if you date someone mentally secured.

Did you know that most couples who stay together longest are the insecured ones? Clinging onto toxic behaviour as thats what they knew geowing up and living unsettled lives.

Take time after a break up, concentrate on your needs and do some healing. Once you are happy in your shoes everything else will gravitate. Whereas when you look you never find.

Blessed day.

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