Itsnotmyfault

[Itsnotmyfault]

So i had to kick my abusive ex out of the house i created for us ti start a new life and he was abusive from the start to end and i was also deep trauma bonded i wnated to stay as i loved him until he got jealous over me messaging a friend who was an ex and it was nothing i told him about it and he the  got so bitter he sent me abuse over text and i get home i try to appease the man with (detail removed by moderator) ffs and he destroyed them and spat on me (detail removed by moderator) and then said (detail removed by moderator) and wnated to do what he wanted awhich he was pressing all of my wounds to get back at me and uses things  i tell him in vunerability and he uses it violtile and aggressive way to punish me for disrepscting him by being honest about him adding me i did cross a boundary but i said i will move with you

if u cheat i wont move anywhere with hou and i was like u cheat we are done and he said ok in the end i knew it was the inly weekend hes ever had away from me and he ignored me calls i slept in our bed alone and he came back (detail removed by moderator) and i had a std check so i knew i was clean way before and he knew i suffered recurrent (detail removed by moderator) because of ever since i met him  and after that he comes hime says he thinks he has (detail removed by moderator) and i get tested and it proves he cheated on me i knew he looked guilty i should have pressed it more but i couldnt be arsed the blaming panto when i knew he had and i got meds for it and then it was fine he cotinued to flirt with my friends and the minute he cheated he became more disrespectful towards me and i started fearing for my safety and dreading him coming home

Then he has a paychtoic episode drunk and it was like a wild demon started witth confusion and breaking the house trying  to kill himself  i was trying to save him from himself but then he would turn in me i had to ring the police as i didnt know if he would ever snap out of it but he (detail removed by moderator) after i wiuldnt guve him (detail removed by moderator) and he drive off and he didnt get sreaeted of a driving ban and i had to leave the house he tried love bombing apologising he spent months gaslighting me and i kept pestering him i wiuld not let it go and he wiuld not own his shit and i duno if that caused the episode

I had to leave as my body has been ill getting (detail removed by moderator) issues from stress and mad fight or flight anxiety complete dissonance to the trauma and blanking it out in purpose but hearing the deep cry for help inside sayin u need to save yourself be one step ahead. i was lucky im safe im out im recovering but im so angry now and i finally seee what it was all for but why put myself through any more of that experience it does break my heart that it was toxic cos there was so much that was good about it and the connection and everything we had but trust and selfish impulse let us down and the fact he cant control his abusive behaviours and i actually believed he didnt have control over his actions i now know its only behind closed doors he does fucking know what hes doing the whole time

fear and control he used me for money everything i had conviene im sure he did lvoe me but u do not abuse people discard them like toys be an arsehole and expect to keep all the nice things u have

what a low life

 

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