MKAMCCH

[MKAMCCH]

Hi there 😘 welcome

[MKAMCCH]

I have an appointment coming up now to talk about it. I have been living in extreme stress with him. I feel like a flat mate he hates. I sleep in (location removed by Moderator) and lock the door at night… We will probably end up splitting up especially if he refuses to get checked out by mental health experts. I have had enough…this is no way to live. He does not value or respect me never mind care for or love me. He has not addressed me as Mummy when talking to our child when referring to me. He says “Her” “She”… I asked him why he never addresses me as Mummy when talking to our daughter… he said “(quote removed by Moderator)“. This has all been so much to deal with and figure out. This week I hope to start to get the help. He will be furious with me… I have nowhere to go.

[MKAMCCH]

He actually thinks I am not his wife. Says I’m possessed by other people peoples spirits! Says I’m satan etc There is a biblical theme going on… he’s the son of a (profession removed by Moderator). I am Christian too BTW. Some would say that makes me delusional too :). But I am not accusing my spouse of actually being someone else /an imposter etc he justifies his bad treatment of me using bible names,rebuking quotes and themes. It’s enough to make one loose their faith… but not me… my roots are strong.. he can’t take that away from me.

[MKAMCCH]

Oh and yes.. I still love him. I miss the real version of him. I have been grieving him yet he is alive and walks around in front of me…

[MKAMCCH]

We are together a long time since before the millennium. We were so in love, he was a lovely person,a true gentleman, sensitive, gentle spirited and so loving, we had a brilliant relationship. We were good for the first (number removed by Moderator) decades but then he completely changed especially after our only child was born (timeframe removed by Moderator). He ignored me at first..it turned into a permanent stone walling.. No eye contact.. then some cruel remarks, name calling and later delusional accusations and possible gaslighting trying to make me believe that I’m the crazy one…(or did/does he actually believe these things?). It all confused me so much… but I have almost figured out what’s going on now. His delusional thoughts were accusing me… I didn’t know what he was talking about,didn’t realise what was going on with him. I believe he’s ill. I’d asked him to get a mental health accessment etc and stop smoking C over and over. But he still didn’t /dosnt think he has a mental illness or CIP… But I’m guessing he has. I think he has some sort of delusional disorder /CIP or Schizophrenia. I am terrified it’s the latter.
I am getting it all sorted out soon hopefully. This is not the happy family I tried so hard to achieve. I tried so hard to have a baby for him, it was a struggle to become a mum, many miscarriages..then this all happens. It’s just not fair. I blame his illness on the extreme stress caused by his bully of a (relative removed by Moderator) and that C stuff he smokes (they smoke) . I hate that stuff so much… The very smell of it turns my stomach. It ruins families. Its too strong these days unlike the 1960s or early 90s…. it actually damages or changes the brain. I know his behaviour is not the real him…that’s why I am going to give him a chance. It’s his delusions that have accused and abused me… Yet he is the one who chooses to smoke it and so it is his fault. I told him to stop as it was messing with his brain, but he chooses not to… He just needs to see what he is doing to me/us . The real version of him would be horrified that he has done this to me and us as a family. He has zero respect for me at all right now… I used to feel embarrassed and guilty admitting all this but it’s the truth. I am currently getting a bit of counseling which i can’t really afford… I’m using my credit cards… I will pay the bill some day. And I have an appointment made to talk to a mental health doctor very soon to try get him help. Just scared things will escalate when he gets a few phone calls to come in for a check up. It will stress him and make him extremely Paranoid and trigger his delusional thoughts and accusations will start etc. It’s all so scary. I’m not feeling entirely safe… But I’ve no choice. If I had money I would have left years ago along with my little one. The stress.. I can’t explain… . Thank you for replying Lisa and everyone. Xx

[MKAMCCH]

I have been with him nearly (timeframe removed by Moderator) decades and he was a perfect gentleman before for (timeframe removed by Moderator) of these decades! Then he changed….That’s why I now think he must have developed some mental health issues. My question is… Is his behaviour towards me still classed as “Abuse” if he is mentally ill (perhaps due to his smoking that stuff) . Thank you

[Author]

Posts