Nutella

[Nutella]

Thank you Swan,

What mental health group(s) would you recommend? I’ve just finished a counselling course that I referred myself to but it was more around dealing with anxiety rather than techniques in how to not let him get to me when he opens his mouth. It’s not very often I am spoken to, we otherwise live in a perpetual state of the silent treatment, but when he does I’m immediately irritated because more often than not whatever he says is a dig at me in some form, which shows he’s pushed my buttons which he gets satisfaction from. I need something to help me continue ignoring him even when I am spoken “to” but also if I am forced to say something, some phrases that’ll shut him down so he’ll leave me alone

[Nutella]

This is absolutely the exact same situation with me.

He will come to parents evenings and school plays etc but it’s always me doing the organising. I do drop off and pick up, GP appointments, dentist appointments, if she’s ill it’s me who takes the time off work because I earn less so therefore according to him the person who would lose less money by being off should take the time off. I’ve never been allowed to see a wage slip or anything but I reckon hourly rate I’d either match what he earns or earn more if I did the same hours as him, but no, I was the one who compressed her days when our daughter went into nursery, I dropped (detail removed by Moderator)hrs a week because it was just too late getting her home on some of the days so it was better for her, I moved my hours around to account for the school run. His hours have never changed.

Even at (detail removed by Moderator) our daughter has her own mind and he hates that so they argue all the time, then it becomes my fault because I’ve taught her to be argumentative.

It’s also exactly the same with me being lullied into confiding in him with something, it’s then twisted and turned on me too so that it suits whatever point he’s trying to make at the time

[Nutella]

Yes, this is exactly what he does. Whatever fits in with what is in his head is the truth as far as he’s concerned. He claims to not remember telling me not to “(detail removed by Moderator)” our daughter on him but I remember it clear as day. I never went out without her until she was perhaps about (detail removed by Moderator) months old when I went to a (detail removed by Moderator) with my dad and even then I had the guilt laid onto me for doing that. Whenever I do go out now, like you, I make sure it’s on a day when he is free. He had very little to do with her when she was small, leaving it all up to me, then as she got bigger and a bit more interesting he then wanted to do stuff with her but because she was so used to only having me around she didn’t want to know him, then I was accused of brainwashing her.

[Nutella]

It doesn’t matter what I do, everything is an issue. If I do as he wants and block this person it will then be someone else, and then someone else again. He wants to make it so difficult for me to be on there that I will eventually I give up and come off it altogether. I know that that’s what he wants but he will never admit it. I’m not (detail removed by Moderator) or anything else because he didn’t want me on it.

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