Pompom111

[Pompom111]

Thank you so much for all of your supportive messages. This forum is helping me through this journey so much.

I had texts bombarded at me with apologies and false promises for a few days, then poof! I haven’t heard a peep off him in days! Is it wrong that this makes me sad.

I’ve been so close to making contact, but I’ve managed to refrain from doing so. The urge comes in waves and I tell myself each time that the moment will pass – and it does. I keep telling myself it’s all part of the trauma bond and I just have to ride it out. Some days I feel completely numb. I just don’t feel anything at all! These days are much easier.

I’m feeling a little confused by his silence! His silence scares me. I desperately want to keep thing’s amicable, but am I being ridiculously naive here to think as that’s even possible in these type of breakups.

I feel like a verbal attack is on its way because I haven’t checked in to see if he’s ok…even though this is all his doing.

 

 

 

[Pompom111]

Thank you so much for all your replies, it really means a lot to me that you’ve taken the time to help me. My family are being supportive, but they don’t really understand — I think unless you’ve lived it or seen it, you just can’t truly “get it” the way you ladies do.

I know no contact is the right path, but I’m not quite ready yet. I need to take things one step at a time. Leaving was the biggest step, and deep down I know this sudden niceness is just his way of trying to hook me back in. I’m waiting for that anger to arrive — I think that’s when I’ll finally be able to go fully no contact.

I had to leave without a lot of my things, so at some point I’ll need to face going back to collect them — if he lets me!

Today has been a slightly better day. I’m trying to be gentle with myself and keep reminding myself ‘this is not my fault’

Im definitely going to make a list of all the bad stuff — I think that will really help, there’s plenty to write down!

[Pompom111]

Thank you so much for your reply @pookie1 im so pleased you managed to get out of your abusive relationship and find your inner peace.
I live on constant egg shells.  I have forgotten what it feels like to feel completely relaxed. I left once before but im afraid I came back. I wasn’t aware of this forum at that point and I wasn’t aware that I was in a never ending cycle of abuse that I could never break no matter how hard I tried. I’ve tried so hard to make things work, I’ve tweaked myself so much that I’m no longer the same person I was. That person is long gone. I know what I need to do but finding the strength to do it is proving very difficult. Fortunately, because I have done so much research Im aware that I’m never going to find my peace here…yet I keep finding reasons to stay or reasons not to go! Thank you again for taking the time to respond. It definitely helps speaking to others that understand. Take care x

[Pompom111]

I want to leave but really don’t know how to go about this. My relationship isn’t physically abusive so I’m not worried about him hitting me but he is 100% a narcissist and is emotionally abusive, he won’t make leaving easy for me. He has absolutely no idea that I want to leave. I darent bring it up as he will just twist and manipulate things and i will be the problem not him. I spend every minute of every day planning my escape but never seem to get any further forward. I feel like I’m stuck in a web.
Any advice from people who finally got free would be really appreciated…or anybody who is still living the nightmare but planning on going – how will you go about it? Also…I’m so scared that if I finally get out that I will be even unhappier than I am now. Is this a standard fear?

[Pompom111]

@Stargazing1 and Lisa…thank you for your kind words.
The calm has started to be not so calm. Tensions are building and the real him is re-emerging. As awful as it sounds I find it easier when he is like this as I’m not second guessing myself and wondering if I’m making it all up in my head!

[Pompom111]

Thank you for the response @sadandalone. I’m sorry to hear you are in a similar situation and are finding it difficult to make that break.
I agree that it’s the fear of the unknown that makes it even scarier to leave. Life won’t be the same once we make that change, it’s a frightening prospect.
I also agree it’s made much more difficult when we have the nice days. I used to get completely pulled back in by this and convince myself that we could make it work but I feel differently now. It’s a very cruel process.
You take care and stay strong x

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