I feels ashamed of what I am going through. I feel embarrassed. Today I sit with blue marks on my face and body. He is suiting as a local pub with friends drinking laughing gambling like there is no worry in the world. While I am hidden in my home he is spending my money and enjoying life.
I am scared of being alone. I don’t have anyone I can share this with. My family see me as a secure professional person with a good head on my shoulders. No one sees this ashamed I go through. I’m good at hiding my sorrow, tears and pain. I cover all with makeup. People think I’m beautiful and youngsters aspire to be like me, if only they knew. That is why he threatens me all the time to publically embarass me.
I don’t love him, but I don’t hate him either. I just pity the animal he is. His children left him and are now overseas. But friends are attracted to his charasmatic behaviour, talking,smoking, drunking, gambling, and on the other hand religious.
I don’t know where my stuck point is. I feel I have become a prisoner in my own home. I only good for working, bring home the money, upkeeping the home, buying new vehicles, keeping a false front to the public. People say, u such a lucky woman, you have everything….if only they knew.
I live in nightmares.
I am lonely, sad, broken….
I have lost my youthful years.
All I want to be is loved and cherished.
I just want a normal life. Simple life.
I will exchange all I have for that.
I am in a place where I can’t even find my true self.
A beautiful face which looks so disfigured today.
Eyes that hold so much tears.
And a soul which feels empty.
