smolmouse

[smolmouse]

Indeepindance, apparently I’m too stupid to fold shirts. I’m also too stupid to clean (nope, I just hate it), totally stupid for practising impeccable personal hygiene and too stupid to prepare pot noodle. Yes, he actually asked me whether I was even capable of preparing pot noodle.

[smolmouse]

While he’s making up absurd stories about (detail removed by moderator), he’s allowed his ex to stay at his place. She conveniently feigned some sort of malady so he’d take pity on her.

But that’s different, because Bébé needs help. Despite Bébé missing her (detail removed by moderator) (and I’m not joking!), I strongly suspect he’s cheating on me with this perfect specimen of a woman who can do no wrong.

[smolmouse]

Deepindance, I was deemed too stupid to do anything properly, e.g. too damn dumb to close the fridge door.

 

I once bought three packets of (detail removed by moderator) and put them in the freezer. After a few months, he remembered the (detail removed by moderator) and then decided there had actually been four packs. Cue accusations of ‘who cooked the (detail removed by moderator) for you?’, ‘who did you cook the (detail removed by moderator) for?’

 

I hate cooking more than anything else on earth, it makes me feel dirty and exploited. I’d rather scrub toilets (at least there’s bleach involved which smells nice, with cooking it’s just one stinky type of food after the other) than cook, and he knows that. Also, I have exactly zero friends, and even if I had tons of friends, why would they come to my place to cook? Like, excuse me? He was convinced I’d had some men cook these ridiculous (detail removed by moderator) for me. He gave me the third degree, and when I started getting angry he told me he’d ‘caught’ me.

In my case the worst thing is he yanked my hair so hard it broke off in so many places I’m now left with half the hair I used to have. My looks mean everything to me, so you can imagine how I feel.

[smolmouse]

He went ballistic about male (detail removed by moderator) looking at my property. My dog, how can I be in the same room as a man?

 

Again, no cultural or religious reasons here, only 100 % organic unrefined insanity.

[smolmouse]

These men seem completely broken. In the case of my perp, he’s the unhappiest person I’ve ever met in my entire life, constantly expecting someone to enter his life to take away the unbearable burden of being him. He doesn’t understand that happiness comes from within, the rest is all just lovely ornamentation.

 

They’re sad, broken people with low self-esteem they try to bolster by exaggerating their achievements and importance. What an awful existence.

[smolmouse]

Indeepindance, I’ve also experienced stuff like what you describe with the fridge. They all follow extremely similar patterns. And the ‘interrogation’, jeez!

 

Oh yes, the naive thing haha. We had this huge song and dance a year ago where we were outside (detail removed by moderator) taking place nearby. We ran into an old (detail removed by moderator) whom I hadn’t seen for several years. We said hi and exchanged pleasantries, and the crazy man actually threatened my (detail removed by moderator). After that ‘incident’, the abuse really took off.

Apparently, I was ‘too polite’ and should’ve been rude to the (detail removed by moderator). Sorry, but my parents put in a lot of effort to raise me properly, which includes  being civil to other people. He went so far as demanding I give him the (detail removed by moderator) number. He actually called the guy and met up with him, asking him to go (detail removed by moderator) with him. Why not just go full hog, buy a single glove, dramatically throw it on the ground and challenge the guy to a duel, preferably with both a sword and a pistol – and maybe also a banana, because why not?

 

Now that I’m about to sell my flat, my (detail removed by moderator) advice has come in very handy. The dude is actually very understanding and was happy to give me some pointers re the sale. But I’m stupid and naive.

[smolmouse]

You’re definitely not overly sensitive!

 

I’ve had (eerily) similar experiences over the past few years. I’ve been called a child, stupid, a streetwalker, blah blah blah, only to be told it was him being a troll. These men are beyond help, you can’t win with them because they don’t accept logical arguments as a weapon. In my case, it’s threats of violence straightaway, and then the threats actually become reality. And it can be over the most trivial things, like eg. spilling some water.

 

I’ve been told my entire life story by him, I had no idea my parents were abusive and I was adopted. Wow, he has some supreme knowledge! I’m obviously stupid, speaking several languages means nothing, having an education means nothing, however cooking and cleaning are the most important things ever. If someone likes to cook, sure, but that won’t be me. But how dare I think like that!

I read Lundy Bancroft’s book, and while it does cover a lot of ground, I found it a bit superficial. People don’t abuse just because, there’s always a hidden reason behind it. The stuff they hit us with is, in my experience, stuff they either feel themselves or stuff they’ve seen or gone through at some point.

 

It’s a horrible situation to be in, and I count myself lucky because there are no kids involved and I own the property I live in. It must be unbearable if that’s not the case.

 

[smolmouse]

Yes, apparently I ‘walk the streets’ when going shopping.

All the things you mentioned he calls you overlaps 100% with the things I get to hear on a regular basis. The whole thing is even crazier when taking in consideration I’m older than him.

He calls me naive all the time, just because I’m reasonably polite. Politeness is a basic thing, but it can also be a mask. I’m not supposed to be polite to men because they all want to have sex with me. Even if that were the truth, which I strongly doubt, I can say no. I’m sick and tired of being reprimanded like a small child (detail removed by moderator)

I don’t have kids either, never wanted them when younger. Now I’d be okay with having one, but just one. Kind of like after having tried all the things in life I wanted to try, I’d try that too.

This conversation about being mature vs immature is desultory anyway. If we look at child development, there are certain traits/behaviours children are supposed to outgrow at a certain age. Eg understanding that not everything revolves around you. If these developmental milestones are never reached and the behaviours persist in adulthood, the individual can be called immature.

Unfortunately, some people never reach said milestones, and  when they have children, the behaviour gets transferred to the offspring. Then suddenly everything revolves around the child. The results is that we have parents who, instead of parenting, get annoyed when others make a remark about their screaming kids.

It’s fascinating though how abusive men seem to have their own textbook they all follow to a T.

 

 

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