Tilly Lamp

[Tilly Lamp]

Thank you Kip.. We didn’t have a terrible day yesterday, but we didn’t have a good day either. One of our daughters was teasing him and he went off for a sulk. I followed to calm things and he called her snidey and manipulative. Not very nice. She isn’t. She can be a pain, but she’s had a rough time and is under CAHMS, partly because of his behaviour. I am writing these just so that it’s out there somewhere because he will deny it later and I need to know it’s real and it’s not me. Thank you for being patient with me, everybody.
It’s always my fault for starting it too, does anyone else get this? They’re always the instigator of the trouble? Crikey, I hardly know what I can and can’t say day to day!

[Tilly Lamp]

Today I am in trouble for not admitting that part of this is my fault, that I am not perfect in a relationship(detail removed by moderator)
Today, I have no idea if I’m being abused or not. I am confused, he wants it to work but is angry with me (and he says himself) for the statement, for putting him there, for not thinking it through and getting him out of there. Today we sat, yet again and talked about how crap his life is, for hours. But hey, he can change for me and still write that book, or do something else.
I am so confused. He’s now lying on the couch trying to calm his anxiety and I don’t know what to do.

[Tilly Lamp]

Thank you everyone for your kind advice.
I am posting her as Healthyarchive has suggested just to get it out. I was woken at (detail removed by Moderator) this morning and told how awful I am for calling the police on him and putting him in a cell, I am a b***h and a manipulator and I’m re-writing history and re-framing the real narrative and I’m the abusive one and I should be in a cell!
An hour later, lots of apologies, it all comes spilling out, it’s the abuse in the past as well, the story of which has changed recently, apparently he was drugged and prostituted, he’s always claimed he was drugged, I don’t think I believe him and I certainly don’t believe he was prostituted in any way shape or form. He denied calling me a b***h and denied saying that I bashed our children.
There was a build up to this, he told me during the day that he’d had nightmares about prison rape, then we had to turn (detail removed by Moderator) off because the people that abused him ((detail removed by Moderator) years ago and very probably not to the extent he claims) had a (detail removed by Moderator) mask. This was couched in terms of ‘but I don’t expect you to remember all my trauma!” We’ve watched (detail removed by Moderator) a million times over the years! It’s a nonsense, but was obviously a build up to all of this.

[Tilly Lamp]

Thank you.
Kip, it is scary. I’m frightened to bring it up, and probably won’t but it’s made me more scared than I was and I’m having to behave as though all is perfectly normal. This is hard.

[Tilly Lamp]

Thank you for your kindness. I am in my (age removed by moderator) and this has been going on for over twenty years. I do believe he has some mental health problems, but not the ones he is being treated for! And has been treated for for the last twenty years! I think the initial stuff was used to reel me in over 20 years ago. He claims that things were so traumatic he’s never really got over it. Only that’s not the case, it seems. Knowing what I know now, I strongly suspect that she just tried to finish things and this is his story to justify things in his head. I think he couldn’t countenance being dumped by anyone. I suspect he is a covert narcissist. He has never worked and I have always looked after him and been unable to work because he needed looking after. Good grief, I sound like an idiot. I was an intelligent, well educated woman at some point but I rather think that was many years ago. The more I look the more I feel that I have been duped, and for a very long time.

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