Trina2020

[Trina2020]

You could literally be describing my husband. He goes through continual cycles of wild mood swings which go from him saying he is the luckiest man on the planet and has everything he could ever want and is the nicest loveliest guy, to the next day barely saying two words to me and when I ask what’s wrong I get a mouthful of horrific abuse – I’m a fat, ugly c*nt, I’m mental, I’m a horrible negative person who brings him down – I’m the worlds worst and I don’t even know why or what’s brought the mood on. Usually it turns out to be that he has been doing something he shouldn’t – hiding something, spending money from our savings, flirting with someone – and the abuse toward me if him releasing the guilt he feels for whatever it is he’s doing himself. Obviously I’ve no idea and think ever things fine and we’re happy, only for him to explode at me. My father committed suicide (detail removed by moderator) and he often likes to say that even my dad gets me and chose to kill himself rather than be around me. Then he won’t speak to me for days on end. We walk past each other and even if I ask him a question like whether he has fed the dogs, he will just look through me and refuse to answer me. Then a few days later when he’s calmed down and is bored of not speaking he will come and give me a hug and tell me he loves me as though none of it happened. If I don’t accept his apology immediately or if I try to discuss what happened or why he explodes again that I can’t let things go and I hold a grudge and I never move on from ‘arguments’ and I have serious problems and this is why he hates me and I’m such a drag! Then he walks off and ignores me for another few days until he tries again to pretend nothing ever happened. I’m ashamed to admit I usually then do exactly what he wants and accept the apology and never speak of the incident again for a quiet, easy life and try to tell me myself that it’s not that bad and I’m overreacting. Until weeks or months later when it all happens again. Reading peoples experiences on forums like this is so shocking to me because it amazes me that I’m not the only one and that there are so many people out there who behave this way. It’s scary. I don’t have the strength to leave just yet. We’ve been together (detail removed by moderator) and he is The only man I’ve ever been with and all I’ve ever known. I’m financially dependent on him so if I left I’d have to move in with my mum probably for at least a year or two while I pay off debts and save money to try and get a place of my own. I also won’t leave my pets behind so it’s more complicated then just packing a bag and driving off. I’m also scared that if I left I’d regret it. Sometimes I tell myself maybe moodswings and verbal abuse aren’t so bad. Everyone has bad days – am i overreacting? Am I throwing away what is a good relationship in between the mood swings and abuse cycles? What if life doesn’t get any better and I’m lonely or I wish I could turn back time. It’s so scary. I can’t stop crying. I feel sometimes he’s broken me

 

 

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