zeitwzaatar

[zeitwzaatar]

Thanks so much everyone. Your words mean a lot to me right now.

For the past many years I’ve been generally fine with being alone and not at all focused on finding a guy, and I’ve done a lot of great things with my life that I wouldn’t have done had I stayed with my abuser.

So I’m not really sure where this is coming from the past couple of months. Maybe you’re right, fizzy, that I don’t have a close community of loving friends here, and maybe that would make a difference.

Maybe I’m romanticising relationships because it’s been so long since I’ve been in one. I too am kind of a solitary person, and I had an introvert friend tell me that the hardest part of having kids was losing alone-time. Honestly, I think it’s the loving healthy relationship I crave more than the kids (though I did go through a baby-crazy phase for a while!). And Camel you’re right that when I think about the guys I’ve dated since my marriage, they were quite emotionally taxing and I felt healthier when on my own.

I guess it’s tough for everyone to find a kind, reliable man. Right now that is really what I crave, even if I know I’ve been happy on my own (and it is 1000 times better to be alone than to be with the wrong person! I’m sure we’ve all learned that). I think I’m just going through a dark cloud lately and need to remind myself of these things until my thoughts get back on track on their own.

Much love, everyone <3

[zeitwzaatar]

Thanks for the advice, Escapee. Yes maybe I can start by calling the women’s aid line. I know some people do counselling online, maybe there’s an option like that. Thanks ladies

[zeitwzaatar]

Hi KIP, thanks 🙂

I haven’t tried counselling on recovering or rebuilding from this. The only session I went to was when I was still in the marriage, and I hated it (I was not a huge fan of talking about myself to strangers), but the counsellor planted some ideas in my head that ultimately got me to leave.

I’ve also seen a counsellor for what I considered stress-related depression, and never mentioned this past marriage.

Right now I live abroad in a country where counselling is not really available. But maybe this is something I should keep in mind. I also often think I have less of a support system when I’m abroad, but now my career is kind of here, so I don’t know what to do.

[zeitwzaatar]

Yeah, it is 100% worth it. I left an abusive relationship years ago, and just wrote a post on still being alone. But being alone is still so much better than being with a guy like that.

From my experience, you will have ups and downs about leaving for a while. Including loneliness. But in the end you are now the primary person in control of how your day goes, you don’t have to worry about his explosive anger and what he will do to you. You can become your own person again. I’m many years out and honestly can’t fathom how horrible my life would have been if I had stayed with him. I think of all the amazing things I’ve done since leaving him that never would have happened (a tonne of travel, working abroad, getting my Masters degree, making great friends). Leaving is worth it a million times over.

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