20th October 2020 at 9:38 pm #115424ConfusedandanxiousParticipant
Following on from my previous posts
So its been almost (detail removed by moderator) since i ended things and although the bombarding has stopped he is still very much paranoid about where i am, who i am with, am i chatting/seeing anyone. All of which are far from what i am interested in doing. (Detail removed by moderator) i fell asleep on the sofa and didn’t (detail removed by moderator) our son goodnight (although i had spoken to him earlier in the evening) so i sent a goodnight message to him when i woke up and went to bed. Next thing i know im woken up by a phone call from my ex partner questioning if the reason i didnt (detail removed by moderator) our son was because i had someone round.
I dont know for sure but im sure he is seeing someone new as he is ‘out’ every (detail removed by moderator) night and hhas asked me to keep our son for his weekend. However im not sure whether this is just another game to make out that he is for some sort of reaction i dont know. But i feel like hes never going to let me get on with my life regardless to what hes doing. He also keeps sending me (detail removed by moderator) and will then ask if im missing him or thought about things its just relentless.
I feel like i just dont feel anything and have kind of blanked everything out other than the absolute anxiety i feel every time i know i have to see him
21st October 2020 at 4:29 pm #115475HopeLifeJoyParticipant
Best to go no contact with him to give your mind the chance to clear all the brainwashing, abuse, fog especially – Fear, Obligation and Guilt. Focus on yourself and self care. Let any child contact run through third party.
Feel free to keep contacting Women’s Aid too to guide your steps, to help you move forward safely.
You will be able to get on with your life. It takes time so be patient and incredibly kind to yourself okay 💕
When anxiety levels are finally going down – and they will by going no contact – it’s the best feeling on earth, it’ll feel you are given new oxygen to breathe, you’ll be able to think a little clearer, like a calmness surrounding you and a sense of more space for yourself in every sense of the word.
Take care & keep posting 💕🌸
21st October 2020 at 10:31 pm #115489ConfusedandanxiousParticipant
I have tried to do no contact with him but he just cant do it! I have got our son a phone so i can contact him direct but he always will ask me things in the background ie what have i been doing or will get our son to ask me.
He still has belongings in the flat that we shared S he doesnt have the space at his parent so thats a another excuse he finds to come and snoop around along with borrowing money from me as i am so acustomed to doing anything in my power to not cause him to be angry and have a strop
21st October 2020 at 11:51 pm #115491EggshellsParticipant
I think HopeLifeJoy is right. Do whatever it takes to go non contact. Pack his stuff up and leave it outside for him to collect. His belongings are not your problem. If the shoe was on the other foot I’d put money on it that he wouldn’t store stuff for you or lend you money.
If your son needs to contact you, ask him to do it from the privacy of his own room when his Dad is out of earshot. Or if he is old enough, use text to communicate with your son when he is with his Dad.
If you need to talk to your ex about childcare arrangements ask a friend or relative to act as a go between. Block him from your phone and email. Change your email address if necessary. You do not need to receive his messages and you certainly do not need to respond to them.
Going non contact is not his choice, it is your choice. He can and will do it if you don’t give him the choice and block every avenue that he has of contacting you.
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