See apart from one pervious ex he didn’t say much bad about them…They all seemed to have good logical reasoning as why they left. I guess being around abuse my whole life I just couldn’t see it with it. I don’t think anyone really believed me whenever I tried to talk. I know he has a nasty side, I’m just lucky he never went full out with his temper on me. I know I deserve better and that’s why now I’ve finally met someone that doesn’t hurt me physically or mentally. It took a few bad guys after ‘him’ but finally I can see that it wasn’t my fault. I’ve been discussing it with my current partner over these last few days. I said to him “do I ever an anger you to the point where you would want to hit me” he said to me “yeah you anger me some days enough for me to want to give you a smack to shut you up, but I would never do it. I would never call you a name or lay a bad hand on you because i love you. When you love someone you couldn’t hurt them. You’re my world and why would I want to hurt or damage my world??” After that I just cried and realised this is what being safe feels like. This is what real love should feel like. This is how I should have been treated all those years ago. I know now that no matter what I did I was never going to be good enough for him. Nothing I ever did was going to make him happy. No matter how I cleaned, or budgeted we’d never be any better off. No matter how many times I let him have his way with me he would always want someone else. No matter what I did I was never going to be enough…But that’s ok because now by just being me I am enough.
