AsLostAsAlice

[AsLostAsAlice]

Thank you for having me on your forum, Lisa.
I feel a burden has lifted already knowing you guys are out there.x

[AsLostAsAlice]

Thanks for your kind and very true words Escapee.
So pleased you have got away too. How incredibly brave you are!
New life & new You xx
Take it day by day and remember how far you have come already.

I found it very surreal the first few weeks & months being away from him, i felt lost and confused. After years of living that lifeless life, then battling through the courts for several more years, it was finally over. It took a while to sink in and a while to get my head straight after i tied up all the loose ends.
You will get there and slowly you’ll get closer to the end of your tunnel. That’s how i’ve always seen my battle.
Be kind to yourself 😊
You had the strength to survive and the world is your oyster now.xx

[AsLostAsAlice]

Years of him slowly and systematically stripping me of myself, until nothing much of little old ME was left at all.
I felt suffocated by him. Always walking on eggshells, his anger & verbal abuse, being scared of his threats, him throwing or punching things, breaking my things, him pretending nothing happened & that I was over sensitive, never resolving arguments, constantly having to watch the time, not being able to socialise when& with whom i want to, controlling my hobbies, having to eat what & when he wants, always having to be available to do his things, him never interested in anything i liked or wanted to, having sex when i didn’t want to & doing it to keep the peace, being accused of having affairs on a regular basis (usually when i didn’t want sex), no emotional support at all, trying to force me to get married/have children etc. etc. the list goes on.

It suddenly registered with me that this was not MY life anymore. It was HIS life and I was just a convenience.
One day it just got on top of me and I was so utterly unhappy and felt completely empty. I had nothing more to give. I knew that I couldn’t carry on pretending and I just wanted to be somewhere else. Away from him.
To leave wasn’t a quick thought. I was biding time..thinking and overthinking and a few times trying to communicate with him. I eventually realised, this was an impossible task as he was not interested in my feelings or thoughts, never was. He didn’t want to talk or understand and he had nothing to say. As far as he was concerned, I had it all and I couldn’t do any better than him as no one else would want me.

[AsLostAsAlice]

Thanks for your welcoming message Fudgecake. x
I often think that people around me must wonder if or when i ever get over the past. Not that I want the Ex back – god no!! But i feel sad and resentful that someone, who apparently “loves you” feels no remorse or guilt, doesn’t apologise and gets pleasure out of seeing me humiliated, having nothing and being nothing.
I feel so very stupid and embarrassed that I didn’t realise what he was doing. I knew that I wasn’t happy, but couldn’t put my finger on why.

[Author]

Posts