Thank you for your reply and all your advice. It helps me feel better to know I’m not the only one out there feeling this way. You are right about self esteem. Right now I feel so worthless. I feel like I’m a terrible mum and must obviously be a horrible person generally as every relationship I have had has been a disaster.
But although I know you are completely right it doesn’t make it any easier to hear that I clearly have to let go. It’s true I do still love him. I love him so much it feels like I can’t exist without him. And he is genuinely great with my daughter. We don’t argue in front of her and she always says she wants us all to play together rather than picking one person or the other. She regularly says she loves our family and he never insults me infringement of her. We just play and laugh. It’s then when we are without her he behaves the way he does with me if we happen to argue over something.
If anything it would be easier to walk away if he wasn’t so good to her as her father wasn’t and that gave me the strength to walk away from him. I couldn’t bare to see my daughter ignored and mistreated so learnt to hate him. But my partner now has always loved her. He taught her how to count and ride her bike and tie her shoe laces just like a father should. It made me love him all the more. And now she is still so young all she sees is happiness and has her own room now and a mummy and father figure who both love and care for her It makes me feel so guilty and selfish for being unhappy myself and having thoughts of ending it all.
