Buttercup2022@

[Buttercup2022@]

Oh bless you. People tell you to be strong but sometimes you need to break before you can build yourself back up again. Do you have any local services you could reach out to support. I was supported by (detail removed by moderator), they were amazing and really helped me to see the light in the dark days.
Take good care of yourself

[Buttercup2022@]

Hi both.

Thank you for replying.
I often wonder what I did that was so wrong to deserve such a bad marriage. My biggest fear is that I won’t have a positive relationship with my children when they’re adults. I grew up in a toxic abusive household and as a result I don’t have a great relationship with my mum. Everyone says that my son will see through his dad’s ways eventually but at what cost? My ex has been on an almighty smear campaign so his family don’t speak or have anything to do with me. I am worried that their influence will push my son further away from me and it will be years before he recognises what I have been trying to do.
I have always been one step ahead and knew how to react to the situation, now I have no idea what to do next and I cannot tell you how stressful that is.

Sending strength to you both. I am glad I left my ex, as hard as it is right now. I could never ever go back and deep down i know I did the right thing

[Buttercup2022@]

Thanks both. I’m stuck in turmoil.
I’m Happy in his company and he is everything I want and need I think. The doubts are always surfaced when I’m not in his company. Maybe that’s when I’m overthinking or maybe I’m blindsided when I’m with him. I don’t want things to end though. That’s something I am sure of.
I do need some real help to recover from the abuse I encountered and to help settle my mind.

[Buttercup2022@]

Isn’t it just. They spend so long convincing us that the abuse wasn’t that bad, that they think we should accept their behaviour when we leave them. I’ve had so many people tell me that it’s his way of reacting to the split and he’s going through the grieving process only even now his behaviour hasn’t changed. I couldn’t believe how my ex would think if he showed any remorse / positivity however small i should take them back in a heart beat.
I have just finished the freedom programme today. I found it so insightful. There was so much that my ex did that I hadn’t recognised and the workshops really really helped. Good luck with your journey. Thanks again Xx

[Buttercup2022@]

Thank you for your replies. I can’t tell you how much it means to feel like I’m not alone, that someone is listening. I normalised the abuse for so long and even now find it acceptable to some degree because the physical abuse stopped. I don’t know how to move forward with my healing journey, I’m cross with myself for putting up with it for so long.
I left my ex 8 months ago and haven’t looked back. It’s one of the hardest things I have ever done and it’s true what they say about it taking multiple times before you actually commit but I am so glad I did. I finally have hope that I can teach my children the right way to behave. I told myself before I left him that if one more incident of verbal abuse happened I would leave & it did. I have had good and bad days but stayed determined regardless. His behaviour after me leaving escalated, not physically but the coercion increased and I’m glad in some ways because it kept me focussed on why I was doing what I was doing. Believe it or not It took me a while initially to recognise the abuse as abuse, acceptance is a huge hurdle to jump over. I wish I cried more to be honest, I don’t express my emotions well but I don’t see it as a weakness. I hate it when people say ‘stay strong’ like we have to be resilient & put up with whatever lives throughs at us. No! When we are subject to the abuse at the hands of these monsters we are right break down in whatever form necessary.
Nbumblebee ❤️ just because xxxx

[Buttercup2022@]

This is amazing advice thank you so much both.
I have written about the abuse when I tried to fill out an application for a non molestation order.
He tried to strangle me on two occasions. He would drag me around the house, I would be covered in bruises. I remember an incident where he pushed me over whilst heavily pregnant with my second child, this was witnessed by my eldest at the age of 2. He would lock me out of the house when I was in my pyjamas because I got home too late. He would masterbate whilst touching me during the night when I was asleep.
Im not writing this for sympathy or to compare my abuse to anyone else. I hate that I feel ashamed and I want to be able to share it in order for me to move forward with my healing journey. My counsellor thinks it’s too early because I can’t express it verbally but I feel like I want / need to.
Thanks for being there.

[Buttercup2022@]

Thanks so much both for replying. He plays mind games continually and I fall hook line and sinker everytime! I’m mad with myself that he still gets to manipulate me so I feel like this?! I come so far and then I feel like I’m right back at square one questioning all of the good and bad times and trying to rationalise it all in my head. It’s exhausting.

[Buttercup2022@]

Thank you so much for replying. I have a good relationship with my son and I’m a home with him everyday so I can keep an eye on things. I’m just annoyed that my ex can do things like this, I thought the silent treatment was him finally leaving me alone but it feels like more mind games. I found out today that my ex had contacted (detail removed by Moderator) yesterday, he had shared that he had been sucidial and had (detail removed by Moderator) involved himself.
She felt sympathy for him however I feel like he’s trying to turn more people against me. I explained to (detail removed by Moderator) about the previous volume of contact but she doesn’t get it and said ‘try and just be friends with him’
I’ve drafted a parenting plan which includes communication and I hope that it will be finalised soon.

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