carla

[carla]

I am no expert as new here and I have just set up a restraining order for my partner after police took him away recently but please for your kids sake you need to leave or get advice from Domestic abuse helpline. My partner used to make me tell my kids about all the bad things I had done in the past and i could see the hurt t this caused but to see your mum get hurt I can’t imagine. You can do this, you have given birth and been through so much so you can do this. We are here to help support you. Leave him or get help to leave or get him to leave. No one deserves to be hit ever EVER EVER.

Big hug as Im sure you need one. I wish some of us could be in the same room to pull together our strength to help each other

[carla]

The first message I typed got lost ……try again

Your message made me cry the fact of finding someone who feels like I do. Its so hard feeling like your at the core of all this craziness. You might not be the day to day cause and no way do you deserve the levels of retribution but feeling like you are at the core of all this like you could of helped the situation from the start. I never knew it would cause this and would give anything to turn bask the clocks. To release their pain that causes the reaction. So much love destroyed on both sides. The love i’d always dreamed of the love that made me want to change and be respectful and not take things for granted anymore.

I want that love back but I don’t want the pain that it causes. I held on so tightly I thought I could withstand anything and I promised I wouldn’t leave them. Time and time again we tried to break up but within hours getting back together, like a child that leaves home but doesn’t make it past the end of the road.

It’s good you got a sorry I hope that helps in some way. I think it might make you love the person more though and be harder to stay away a glimmer of hope that makes you think maybe things will change.

I read many articles about (detail removed by moderator) which Im sure he is partly but a narcissist doesn’t have the love that we had and the good times and the romance do they. Surely it must be me then that is the cause. All I know is how messed up my head is at the moment and that I can’t concentrate for very long. I need to find work quickly but that takes focus and Im not sure I have what it takes at the moment.

How can we tell people though what we did. How can we explain it was a mistake and that we would never hurt anyone like that again. That the sexual acts were just me finding my way out of a relationship that i felt so trapped in. Yes I behaved like a SXXt in the past but I am not one now I’ve learnt from the pain I caused and want to move on.

When I got hit Im sure it was an accident was only meant as a threat that went wrong like you I ended up with black eyes but surely we didn’t deserve that did we. But I don’t think they would think that either they knew what they did was wrong but it just wouldn’t go away their pain.

My friends knew and accepted what i had done so why couldn’t he? He hated them because they knew and didn’t stop me before. So I stopped talking to them as it caused too much tension.

I miss him so much I with i could of stayed but the damage to the house was too much and I couldn’t hide it from anyone anymore and I have kids in the house.

To call the police seems the ultimate betrayal and I never wanted that ever

[carla]

HI,

I am the same going through the same thing as you as the police took him away (detail removed by moderator) ago and I feel like an addict going through withdrawal. So many tears, not eating, and I am following what the other people said one things a day and normally you achieve more but you only expect the small things then you surprise yourself. I went swimming yesterday that was a first for three years since I met him. Thursday I have gym induction, I have never been to the gym ever and I’m (detail removed by moderator)

I need to get a job and I know this will distract me enough to move on as before I met him I had a big job in fashion but now I work from home in a business that we created together not being able to face any of it because he is not there.

See my earlier post where it explains my situation but I feel like it’s my fault but my fault or not I didn’t deserve to be called the names and the fear. I was trying to make amends for my mistakes but I wasn’t allowed to as we ere stuck in them for three years, yes I think I paid the price for them 10 fold.

Lets walk through this pain together don’t give in we can do it. I buckled a couple of times and he told the police officer straight away and also told her sordid details of my past. What kind of person that loves you says that. It helped to stop me contacting though as whats the point he doesn’t see the pain I have he just thinks it about him and his pain. I love him like you do, like no other I have ever loved but to be that sad and scared isn’t right!

Be strong hold my hand! We can do this xxxx

[carla]

Thanks so much for support I just wanted hear it from someone else. I know a behaved badly before I met him but I know in my heart I am a good person that would never repeat my behaviour and thats all I could be know that you will learn from your experiences and move on and treat people with respect that they deserve in future. I used to tell him this all the time but he just could focus beyond the actual acts and I lived through that for three years almost daily.

The road on your own is lonely but at least it’s steady and only you upsetting you rather than what it was like before! I did my best to love him with everything I had and to show him I was not that person anymore but it was futile.

I do fear now retribution as he always said he would and brace myself for this in months or even years time as I don’t think he will drop it as he truly believes I messed his life up and I deserve to have my life torn apart. But I will use the time to get stronger and wait for that time.

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