Changeisgood

[Changeisgood]

I’m so sorry you’ve been through this,that anyone has been through this. It’s awful. But it’s good that you are getting help and things have improved and you’ve found ways to help yourself. I hope they continue to do so ! I will try the positive thing, might make a board or something and keep adding to it. Might be nice to get the kids to write something happy or something that’s made them laugh each day and add to it. A mini project for us all!
Trying to love myself. I’ve had my hair cut quite drastically as well to make me feel different and help me feel like I’m in control of my life now.
Thankyou for all your tips and advice x

[Changeisgood]

It was so long ago I can barely remember. I can picture that canvas , will be nice to colour it in! That void is huge, it’s overwhelming. I’ll have a look at some videos , thanks. Is it normal to struggle to concentrate? Can’t seem to focus on much at all.
I sold my rings and it felt good to do that . The money was spent on treating the kids to a good day out and tea. I was determined those chains that held so many unhappy memories would create a good one.
And yes he did ….but it will still be my fault! Agh!!

[Changeisgood]

The person from DA charity has said that it it could be that and I did look it up. I can tick most of the boxes. The nightmares are so real , it’s like I’m right back there trapped and unable to escape . Terrifying aren’t they. And yes I’m having the 5am wake ups. The overwhelming panic, you can’t breath. Does this ease off? Nights were always bad when he was here. Always anxious waiting for things to kick off.
I thought as the years had gone by I’d learned to deal with it. But I think I’ve just boxed it all away and become emotionally detached. Now it’s apparent that there is damage. I’ll get there and my kids will. They are so much happier already. I refuse to let the rest of our lives be ruined.
All of you are amazing and so strong x

[Changeisgood]

Well done 👏👏 it does feel good!

[Changeisgood]

Thankyou both for taking the time to reply. In the end something happened and I had lightbulb moment and for the first time i realised it wouldn’t ever change and I couldn’t help him and the only option I had was to get us out. Why did I ever think that I could? That if I did things differently that it wouldn’t set him off. It leaves your head a complete and utter mess! We’ve had a lot of agencies involved with myself and some specialist help for my kids. I’m just waiting for some trauma counselling but a local DA charity has been supporting me and helping me untangle the wreck in my head and give lots of practical advice. It’s exhausting isn’t it. I’ve spent many days completely numb and ive no idea how I made it through the day. But here we are several months on and now I’m feeling all sorts of emotions . The way you both put it about the guilt is so true. I shall have to keep reading it to reinforce it in my head! As you say he will and I’m fairly sure is blaming me for everything as he always has done. I hadn’t even thought that he might plead guilty and seek help.i actually hope he does, not sure how I feel about him going to prison it would be more guilt. But they condition you that way don’t they, always our fault !
I’m keeping busy by getting my neglected health back on track. Not had a smear test for (detail removed by moderator) years! And all other bits like that. I guess many neglect there health in these situations? You just don’t care do you. Do you have any other self care tips? I feel like I’ve no idea what I like anymore. I’m starting to catch up with friends again . I’ve no hobbies I have no idea what I even like these days. My whole life has been centred around ensuring I kept him happy !

[Changeisgood]

Well done for breaking free. It took me (detail removed by moderator) years! Also had huge depts and it’s very depressing . Have gone through a debt charity and financially buggered for now. But we are free and we are safe ! That is something I never ever thought would happen

 

[Changeisgood]

This is my first post on here. But my goodness this is exactly how I’m feeling as well. Could I have done more etc etc. I tried and tried for (detail removed by moderator) years. My children and I escaped (detail removed by moderator)  But I feel so guilty. He has been banned from all contact with us and banned from the whole county where we live. And I feel guilty he’s lost his home and potentially going to prison. My brain glosses over the bad stuff and I feel numb most of the time. But incredibly guilty that I’m potentially sending another person to prison.
I totally understand how you feel. It’s awful isn’t it. But then I think what he put us through. I see my children are flourishing now and we are feeling safe. But this damn guilt niggles away . Does it ever go ?

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