Cheesestring

[Cheesestring]

Hi rainbowsandsunshine,

I think having contact makes it so much harder. I saw my ex on Tuesday, and we actually had a lovely evening. Now I’m questioning everything and miss him so much. I think it gets to a point where the only person who can make us feel better is the person who has caused us so much pain – trauma bonding. So to see them is like briefly filling in that hole again, even though we know the majority of the time it is not nice and it is abusive. So difficult. But limiting contact as much as possible will hopefully help xx

[Cheesestring]

Thank you everyone, already this forum has helped me so much, just reading everyone’s posts and advice.

I’m sorry to hear that you no longer go out unless (detail removed by moderator). Even if you don’t feel like it anymore I think it’s so important to have that as a space for you when you are away from him for a couple of hours. I hope you all find yourselves/have found yourselves again too 💜 feels like a long road with so many doubts but it feels slightly easier knowing this forum is here. Thank you again xx

[Cheesestring]

Thank you so much for your reply. Everything you are saying rings true to me. In terms of the mental health, I know that it and abuse are not the same thing, and I know that mental health does not lead to abuse, but l I think I’m my head I’m still making excuses for him because I can’t bring myself to accept the truth, but I’m starting to see it more now. I’m just still in that place where I’m so confused and lost with it all.

When I look at it rationally I know it was not good. Same as you, in company of others he was lovely and made me feel good. Most recently we met up with a mutual friend and had a lovely evening, after we said bye to the friend, a two hour arguement ensued because I said I was meeting some friends that weekend and he was annoyed that I hadn’t told him up until this point. It’s ludicrous thinking about it, but I guess I still love him. And even now I’m thinking more ‘aww but we did have a lovely time when we were out with our friend’’ and overlooking the awful argument afterwards. I sometimes think what is wrong with me, why is my mind working that way?! I just hope it does get easier. Thank you again xxx

[Author]

Posts