Contragoldfinch

[Contragoldfinch]

@Sleepy
Thanks for your reply. I got a little good news -someone who put some pressure on earlier recognized that they had gotten caught up in the whole thing. Being outside the family they couldn’t act but they were very worried. Recently I spoke to them and they recognized they were maybe too caught up and that taking care of myself was probably wiser.
I totally agree he’s time he just paid for the services he needs. But he’s a terrible cheapskate. He’d rather live in dirt.

@Lisa
Mhmm, I’d never thought of it as goal-post moving. It’s helpful to see it’s not that you didn’t reach the goal -it was moved on you.

@Lisa & Eggshells.
Regarding carers… he wants one kind of help. Help with his finance/administration (not giving him money). I think he needs other support but he refuses it -or he’ll accept it, but it’ll be on your dime.

The finance is causing the trouble now. He keeps calling and demanding help right there and then. He’ll try different methods -insults, the vague threats (this isn’t good for you).. and kind of begging? It’s really hard for me to deal with that. I don’t to be someone who forces someone to beg for help. That’s horrible. I gave in and went to help.
He basically wants to use you like a remote hand. He’ll tell you exactly what to write -if you do it differently he flips out. He’ll tell you (Detail removed by moderator) But he won’t tell you the name so you can look.
I can do these jobs in 30 minutes with proper instructions. But you spend an hour or so doing it his way -and feeling like you’re balancing glasses on your fingertips. Do something wrong and he’ll get all angry again.

Honestly, I don’t mind helping with this topic. But he just won’t accept the boundaries I’m trying to set. He calls my refusal childish.

Question: How much do children owe their parents?
He’s guilting me with “all the things I’ve done to help you”.
But when is the debt paid??? When have you done “enough” for your parents?? It’s impossible right?? You can never repay the money they have spent on you. You can’t give back the hours of work and love they’ve given to you. It’s overwhelming to even consider. And as Lisa suggested -the goalposts just keep moving.

I don’t want to be a horrible child. I really am willing to try care for him -I don’t think children should just ditch their parents (in a “normal” family anyway).

 

 

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