Emmit

[Emmit]

Hi, I’m really struggling at the moment. I have been out of work since (month removed by moderator) and awaiting to start new employment. Being at home feeling low and worthless is impacting more on my marriage. I was always in 2 minds on if it was abuse or not as my husband for one has old fashioned values plus traits of adhd and autism. His inability to show empathy towards anything makes me think he does not care plus he constantly gripes and moans at things I’ve not done around the house making me feel crap. He rings throughout the day asking what I’ve managed to get done then asked why if I’ve not done something yet. He says he just asking and means nothing by it. He is totally unaware of when he says things and how they make me feel and I put this down to the adhd/autism traits in him but feel it shouldn’t be excused. I’m not allowed to be ill or even spend time talking with my family as he says I waste too much time doing nothing. I do see family and we have dinners together a lot but it’s on his terms, if he in mood or whatever it doesn’t happen. He has no filter, constant digs gripes and moans and it’s more often to do with me ‘Not’ doing something in the house. The kids know how he is and adjust when around him, he is short tempered and loud and can upset the kids in flash with unreasonable demands. He expects people to jump and do immediately and it seems there’s a rule for him and one for us. I don’t feel like a wife but a cook, cleaner, Nanny and one that’s being told how bad a job I do all the time. I can’t change my mind on tea once I’ve told him as to him he has gotten himself in the mood for that so if I change it he flips. He might say the bedding needs changing and then expect I’ll change it that day and if not will question me why. Been together (detail removed by moderator) years, kids are (ages removed by moderator) and it’s not half as bad as it used to be before he started taking medication for what would have been diagnosed years ago as adhd/autism. He compares everything he does to me, he goes to work so I should be working all day in the house. Thing is when I start full time soon, I’ll also still be doing everything at home and with the kids too. Just don’t know what to do because he does not see what he is doing or empathise with my feelings.

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