endthetaboo

[endthetaboo]

PS when I get time in (removed by moderator) I will get someone to look at the injury, but I cannot escape this house at the moment. Should be in (removed by moderator) this Sunday, but unfortunately will be with my parents.. have booked a college counselling appointment and I plan to tell the truth for a change, because it’s about time I did (I never admitted to anything illegal happening to me before, like the fact I was (removed by moderator) and that my parents’ reaction was not supportive in the least when I did finally tell them…)

It’s about time the denouement happened and other people finally get hurt, because I’ve had a lifetime of covering up abuse and I was always so guilty thinking about the consequences if I tell, but they will deserve the consequences I believe..

thanks for your support, I needed to know that they are wrong, because it’s hard to believe in yourself with this kind of mental torture/techniques to break someone’s character tbh

thanks

[endthetaboo]

I am starting to record the abuse, I have pictures (removed by moderator), I’m currently recording them shouting at my brother through the floor as they aren’t as bad to him but I can prove it. I am upset I didn’t record my dad’s admission of guilt earlier, because he did admit to it.

so yes, I am getting some evidence, because it’s finally hit me that he deserves to be faced with some serious consequences. I don’t want to tear apart my family, but he is out of control, and he thinks hes some kind of god in our home because he’s the breadwinner. I’ve realised he is physical with people he is in a position of power over, and he does deserve to have his reputation ruined if nothing else.

I will bide my time, but I will have proof, and I will get revenge for this tbh, he deserves something to come of him acting like a deranged man, a woman hating pathetic excuse for a man, who can’t even argue without resorting to sexism of some kind, and who thinks he has a moral highground over people he beats up.

I am sick of it, he is a bastard, and I don’t want to be his daughter anymore.

thanks for the support (apologies for the aggression but I (removed by moderator).) I tend to feel more anger when I hear them attacking my brother, but they do that more verbally than anything else, and it isn’t based on his gender, rather they attack his absent girlfriend for the supreme crime of being a woman!

[endthetaboo]

@maddog, (sorry I’m new to this forum if I’ve been replying to the wrong people haha) please can you tell me how to feel less guilt about the financial dependence factor? I’ve allowed myself to get screamed at and hurt and I think part of the reason why is I have internalised guilt, even though I really don’t see what other options I had in life.

I’m not a child, so they threaten to kick me out whenever things get bad, but they’ve also often stopped me from getting jobs, and they force me to be so dependent in my opinion, making me spend the savings I had got together on whatever is necessary to my life but they don’t feel like paying. I’m notoriously tight with money tbh, and barely buy anything unnecessary, but still they’ve managed to leave me with nothing to spare.

I have only earned maybe 4,000 in my life so far, so I don’t know how I could have done things any other way, bearing in mind we live in (removed by moderator) and there are no student grants (removed by moderator), and my family don’t qualify for means tested grants. I just wish I wasn’t legally viewed as a dependent, because nobody is forcing them to give me enough money to live on, it’s just assumed any normal parent would…

I feel pretty torn, because it’d be a waste to drop out of college and my best friend keeps making me promise I won’t, but this is also a shit existence, with the joy taken out of it, being criticised for costing money I cannot avoid costing.

[endthetaboo]

I should explain I live in (removed by moderator), but have only been here for the last few years, so I don’t know much about refuges or places to go – I did call a helpline, but it was for domestic violence, so advised me to go to the police, which I admit, I probably should.

I live in a rural area with no neighbours to hear any of this happening, and it’s a half hour walk along a dangerous road to get to the nearest bus stop and town, which I think is why this is getting so bad.

I have exams in a few days, and I really really wanted to do well (they are scholarship exams, with board at Uni attached if I got them) because I saw them as a route out of this.

the main reason I haven’t left is because of these exams, but I fear my head is full of angst rather than important stuff and I am honestly really angry this has happened now, right when I needed to be most focused.

thank you all for responding, you’ve given me a sense of warmth I don’t feel very often, and I’m glad you don’t think I’m acting excessively upset, because to me this seems wrong.

My dad actually mocked me saying (removed by moderator), and earlier he said that because he’s never lifted a finger to my mum, this is my fault. also the (removed by moderator) was definitely done on purpose (as it was from behind with zero warning I hadn’t been 100% on that) but today, unprompted, he told me (removed by moderator) and I’d better not allege he did, also going on to say how he (removed by moderator) which I feel threatened by, given at no point has he admitted that this went too far. (removed by moderator), he just got lucky because I didn’t make a fuss out of it and haven’t been to a doctor – again (removed by moderator) struggles..)

thanks 🙂

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