Find-inner-peace

[Find-inner-peace]

counsellor*

[Find-inner-peace]

Hello,

It’s been a few days now I am back in the house and I try to avoid contact as much as could. Somehow the landlord figured out that something wasn’t right, so he checked on me if I was okay. I explained what happened, He said that he knew my ex partner for a long time and that it was the first time he was seeing so disturbed and agitated. What alert him is that he was speaking irrationally. He seemed really concerns about him but added that he didn’t think it will happen again. He seems to downplay what happened. I said if another incident occurs again should I call the police, he said no. He advised to call him or my housemate who is (detail removed by moderator) (I don’t feel comfortable with that). After this meeting, I came home and locked myself in my room. I had still the jacket on, I heard someone knocking on my door, I didn’t respond. After a few seconds, I asked who it was, it was my ex partner begging me to open the door because he wanted to talk. I offered him to talk (detail removed by moderator) because I knew there were cameras or in a public space, but he refused. He wanted to come in my room, I said I couldn’t let him in after what happened the last time. He got mad and start to call me names “C***, b****” and that he will kill me. I don’t recognise him any more, it’s been several times he expressed this feeling to kill me. Maybe it’s a way of speaking. It’s quite disturbing, though.

I feel now, I need to gather evidences (recording or some sort) otherwise people won’t understand the severity of the situation.

Sadly, things didn’t go as I was hoping for.

[Find-inner-peace]

Hi Lover of no contact,

Your story touched me. As I mentioned briefly in my original post, my father was domestically violent. My mum found the strength and the courage to escape. I always say that she gave me life twice.

I am not as brave as my mum or you, sadly.

I feel ashamed for not seeing the signs, for not having a stronger mental, for begging his love. I don’t know how I put my myself in this situation. I should have known, due to my past. History repeats itself. I must be weak.

I hope I will be able to understand why.

Today, I feel embarrassed and disappointed of myself.

[Find-inner-peace]

Hello,

Thank you to both of you for your words. Hearing your voices and experiences helps.

It seems that my feelings for him and my emotions cloud my jugement.

My friend thinks I am in danger.

I am going back today. I can’t stay at my friend’s place forever. I am not in a strong position to leave right now. This is why I need faith that things will get better, that he will get better. He went to see his counsellor… He also sent two friendly texts, I haven’t responded yet.

[Find-inner-peace]

Hi lover of no contact,

I would like to thank you for your message.

What happened had a toll on me. I am struggling with my emotions right now. I am still attached to him and hope he will change. If he behaves like this, it is certainly due to a trauma he had in the past. I don’t want to let him down, but I need to care of myself too. I wish I could fix the situation. Sadly, I can’t provide the help he needs.

Myself, I can’t heal because he puts all the blame on me. Psychologically speaking, it’s tough.

Today, I feel low. 

For a couple of days, I am staying at a friend’s place. I already feel nervous to go back there because he is unpredictable. I want peace and hope we will be able to work things through.

[Author]

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