Frankiejane

[Frankiejane]

Thanks everyone, being validated feels good as constantly being told it is my fault makes me doubt what I know deep down. He is upstairs now in bed crying and me and the girls are about to go out. I want to ask him to come as I can’t stand people being upset or leaving people out but after reading these messages I feel strong again, as why should I consider his feelings any more when he has blatantly disregarded our feelings for so long! What I wrote in this post is just the tip of the iceberg and I despise him for how he has treated us and made me feel like I’m to blame.
Thank you for your support x x

[Frankiejane]

Frustrated and should I not let the children have friends round and then there wouldn’t be these problems?

[Frankiejane]

Thanks for all your replies. Yes I am speaking with women’s aid and have an allocated support worker however she is off sick this week and I could really do with talking to her. The thing is is that I really don’t believe that he has chosen to abuse us, it is just the way he is and the way he ha been brought up, it’s normal behaviour to him as it is what he has seen from his parents. I know that doesn’t make any difference to me and the girls and we don’t deserve the more swings, the shouting, the slamming doors etc but I can’t stop myself from wanting to give him one last chance (even though I always say it is one last chance) as some of the things he said to me last night he has never said, he said he knows after listening to me that he has emotionally abused us but he never meant to and didn’t realise he was doing it or that he was hurting us. I think because me and the girls are strong in the sense we don’t cry or get scared when he has these moments he probably didn’t know it was hurting us. I know I sound like I am making excuses and I’m not I just don’t know what to do. He is crying and begging for another chance saying he is nothing without me and the girls and he knows he hasn’t appreciated us and he will be better but then I’ve asked him to get anger management and quit smoking weed and he won’t so he can’t be that bothered can he?
My children have already told me they don’t want to live with him anymore but part of me thinks maybe I have brainwashed them into thinking like this because they are picking up on things I am saying/doing. I just don’t know what to do. I don’t want to hurt anybody.

[Frankiejane]

Thank you both for your responses x really helpful and insightful. I am struggling so much because even though he can be moody etc I think he could be improving, I’ve just read another one of my old diaries from (detail removed by moderator) and in it it says we had a massive argument which lasted all night and he got a knife out to me and called me(detail removed by moderator) told me he had been with someone else(detail removed by moderator). I cannot remember this incident at all and there are a few in there that I don’t remember, one saying he bit me and one saying he hit and kicked me, why can’t I remember these, I know I wouldn’t have made them up as it is a private diary so I would have no need to. But the last time he was physically violent was about (detail removed by moderator)  when he head butted me and gave me a black eye so if all these are in the past should I just forget about them and hope he is changing?

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