Galaxygal

[Galaxygal]

Thank you! Don’t think it has sunk in properly yet but I feel ok, obviously I’m
Sad but trying to keep positive. I had a better nights sleep last night. I had to hide at a friends house for 3 nights before I came to the refuge which was only (detail removed by moderator).

I wouldn’t go out for fear of seeing him as I know he was trying to find me, he actually rang the police to say I was missing! Made me actually feel ill, spoke to my doctor and he said I was suffering from PTSD, I couldn’t keep nothing down, shaking, waking up with palpitations, jumping and shouting in my sleep. So this has ease abit now I’m away, although I feel anxious.

I also feel lost, not sure if that’s normal when you leave an abusive partner? But because I ran everything I done before past him, I feel like who do I ask now? I know I’m an adult and I can do what I want when I want now…… but it just feels weird

[Galaxygal]

Hello,

So I would like to just update everyone. I have finally taken that huge step and left my abuser! I am currently spending my first night in a women’s refuge! It’s The safest I’ve felt in a long time!

I done it! 😊

[Galaxygal]

Hi,

Luckily we rent, so in terms of commitments we have nothing tying us together. The cars in his name, so when I leave, he will have to keep it (he persuaded me 2 years ago to get rid of my own car, now I know this was a control thing) I can only imagine a Mortgage only adds to your worry, I’m sure your solicitor has got a solution to your problemS, I’m sure if you mention domestic abuse they have to help! Surely they must be some law against it.

I do have a lot of debt in my name, my partner does not work, Ive always worked full time. Me has persuaded me to get many payday loans/ catalogues in my name over the years! I’ve been working at getting the debt down but it’s hard when I’m the only one with income coming in and we have bills to pay too. I’m hoping this time next year I will be debt free.

This forum has really helped me these past couple of days, and I hope anyone reading this will get that encouragement we all need sometimes. I think knowing that what I’m doing is not wrong, and I have got people on my side that this isn’t a normal relationship To be in, genuinely helps. We are not alone x

[Galaxygal]

Hello, thank you for all your comments it really does mean so much to me, especially knowing I am not the only one! I know it may sound strange coming from me but I hope you all find the strength to leave your abusers and are happier than ever for it!

So today I took a big step, I have spoken to a family member and a close friend, Ive also spoken to a wonderful lady at domestic crisis helpline and got some good information. So this is the furthest I’ve ever gone in terms of leaving. My partner is on holiday at the moment and I feel this is the best opportunity to leave and I think I am definitely going to do it this time! I feel focused and realised enough is enough! I deserve better! It won’t be easy but I know in the end it will be worth it. And I will eventually be able to be myself again.

Beautifulday your words are so relatable, I know it’s a horrible feeling to feel. But we have to remember it’s not our fault! They are making us feel like this way! I so admire women that leave with children that must me super hard. Although deep down I dream of having children and know as I am caring/ loving I would be a fantastic mum, But I am kinda glad I don’t have that extra responsibility over me. Also my partner says to me he will never have kids with me until I am smarter and slimmer, I have to learn (detail removed by moderator) each night and he tests me to prove I am learning. I know deep down that’s wrong but I do it! I do a lot of things I don’t want to, because he makes me. I think I have adapted to try not dwell on the bad things he does to me and quickly block them from memory and try make up with him! I think I’ve developed this as a coping mechanism, because if I sat there an remembered every nasty/ painful thing he has done to me I would crumble. So I subconsciously block it out and make up with him. I hate confrontation and the silent treatment so I tend to apologise even if I’m not in the wrong just so we can go back to Noramal.

Anyways on a good note I’m ringing my local refuge tomorrow to see if they have space for me. I’m feeling positive and determined x

 

[Galaxygal]

I don’t really have many friends anymore, most of my friends i know now are through him so wouldn’t feel comfortable talking to them. I’m close with my mum and sister and I think they would be good to talk too but I wouldn’t know where to start as they think we are all fine.

He has also told me, never to talk about our relationship to anyone, as it’s not there business and that I would look like an idiot if I spoken to them about an argument we had, then we would make up! So I’ve never voiced my opinions to anyone.

I feel like I’m going to burst one day to say ‘I’m not okay, and I’m miserable in this ridiculous relationship’ my partner constantly uploads pictures to social media of meals, days out and holidays so the pictures look like we are having a great life! But little do they know just after that picture I’m Probably crying or being cursed at and that’s it’s all just an act!

I’ve never felt so alone and sad, I know if I left I would start to feel like me again !

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