Gardening

[Gardening]

What lovely ladies you are all thank you

[Gardening]

I think have just described my state of mind! I definitely have very fragmented memories I think some part relates to a mindset of did that really happen or am I remembering right. I remember opening up to some people about the type of abuse!/topic of the abuse and them nervously laughing like surely this is not a real scenario. Ao then I start thinking was it like that?

I definitely think I need to reconsider talking therapy. I did get referred after my cbt sessions a couple of years after I had left but, quickly cancelled my appointments after only 2 sessions as the focus was on the sexual assault which, was the first time someone had put it to me as sexual assault. Prior to that I just thought it was a odd thing to do. I definitely still hate to consider it all as rape or domestic violence and become very uncomfortable to say it, I did pick up the courage to mention it to cafcass but it was very glossed over within the report with a ex partner has denied sexual assault.

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Hi, thank you. Its nice to hear that how ireacted to domestic abuse is not uncommon, although, I hate to think of people in abusive relationships selfishly its nice to not be alone!

I currently only participate in conversation with my ex partner via text message on a seperate phone to my daily one so that I can switch it off! This is definitely one of the best decisions I have made yet, I still allow myself to get wound up and hurt by some of the stuff or, start questioning whether he is being ‘manipulative or controlling’ or if it is because I am so used to him doing it, that I do not think him capable of anything else. Unfortunately because what he is saying is typically about my son, I find myself having to respond as others will say that he is raising concerns so, I do respond. I have a system in place where I always write using my professional head, and send it to others before I reply so that I know I am not reaponding irrationally. However, it doesnt help me deal with the emotional side attached to it.

I then end up just getting wound up and just moaning to my current partner(who is very supportive and just lets me moan) but, id like to not moan anymore lol.

Regarding the sexual violence mine was very unconventional/non-stereotypical to what we hear as you describe, so it is great to hear that rape crisis were great in your experience. It may help to accept that what it was.

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Hi Darcy, thank you for your lovely response. I too did not have the best experience with professionals. Although at the time of the abuse ((removed by moderator) years ago) coercive control and emotional was completely misunderstood and was not recognised in law. So, for those reading this who are considering help, things have changed, I dont want to put people off.

I have made alot of progression in terms of house, employment, education and relationships. I thought I had made some progression in my emotional state, I overcome severe anxiety caused by my relationship with my ex whereby, I would not leave the house. So, I have come along way but, have realised I still have some way to goI definitely still feel gyilty about my mental state and choices I made after leaving the relationship so I think overcoming that with some self love would be great. Thank you

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