Ghost

[Ghost]

Ladies, thank you so much for your replies. I have made lots of progress over the weekend in understanding more about why I feel the way I feel, not only about the breakup but also about my ex partner. There was never anything exceptional about his good behaviour or the nicer personality traits he has, it just seemed that way when compared to how cruel he could be. In moving forward I realise I need to stop idolising his good qualities and the good parts of the relationship, and know that I can and will find them easily in future partners, who aren’t abusive. x

[Ghost]

I’m sorry to bring up old news and dig up this post from a few months ago after so much advice and kind words, but I’m struggling emotionally and I wanted to reach out for a chat.

I left him^^ and he was understandably upset, but didn’t ask me to change my mind or reconsider, at best he basically wished me all the best in finding a new man and said goodbye. Maybe he just didn’t care, and maybe that’s why he was so hurtful towards me generally.

Moving on a few weeks, I panicked and wanted him back but on the condition he would treat me better. I knew deep down nothing would change and that I have a trauma bond and this was why it felt so difficult to move on. He blew me out and said (detail removed by moderator). I tried to explain that he left me no choice. When someone makes you feel so awful so often, it wears you down and breaks you. He said he loved me and missed me and (detail removed by moderator).

Every logical part of me knows this breakup was best and he’s done me a favour in refusing to try again. So why is this so painful? Why do I feel like I love him so much still? I think about him all the time, about all the wonderful parts of him that did make me happy and I don’t believe I will ever meet anyone like that again. It sounds crazy to say this after how he treated me, but he was everything I ever wanted in a partner – loyal, committed, secure, independent, romantic, funny, handsome, generous and a good listener. We had so much in common and could talk for hours and hours even after all the years together. We wanted the same things, the same future. We had plans, dreams, a bucket list! We spent thousands travelling back and forth to see each other and did so much, saw Europe, brought so much happiness to our kid’s (from previous relationships) lives. I am so angry and sad that he had this side to his character that was so nasty. He could hurt you so badly and not feel a bit of remorse. He had to have the power and control always, and any time I tried to stand up and speak, he would get nasty to put me down in my place again.

I feel like I’ll never move forward or stop hurting. I miss him so much, and I’m so angry… I feel like he is punishing me for breaking up with him, even though I left him because he hurt me.

Probably I’m just over-thinking things. He is a logical person himself and perhaps he just knows the relationship won’t work. I just thought that when you really love someone, you fight for them. But he didn’t fight for me and that hurts so much 🙁

This is an emotional post and probably doesn’t make a lot of sense. I think I just wanted to get it out. Thanks!

[Ghost]

Hi Auriel, love your alias! Big fan of angels and on the edge of my seat waiting for Halloween to arrive 🙂
You are absolutely right about Hitler of course – he was a barbaric lunatic with less than 0.0001% of kindness in his bones.

Thank you for all that vitally important info, Wantstohelp. I don’t have any children with my (ex)-partner luckily, and have decided not to move. Thank you!

[Ghost]

Thank you so much for your views, it really does help to hear what other people have to say, espechially from those not emotionally connected to me or the situation, like family and friends are.

Bettertimesahead, you are spot on when you say there is little to no regard for my feelings and no emotional support. That has been my biggest complaint from day 1 and despite enormous efforts to change that through communication, he simply can’t show he cares. He has always described the act of caring (apologising or reaching out to make amends following a conflict) as ‘(detail removed by moderator)’, which he believes elevates his partner above him so she can then control and manipulate him. Perhaps the issue here is a power and control one. For me it feels like abandonment.

Eyesopening, moving to his country would absolutely cause isolation and my intuition has always told me so. I focused my attention on whether his country suited me and my children, but never did I question if the person was right. The indecision whether to move or not had nothing to do with the place, as I now understand, but more to do with him and how he made me feel about moving.

I’m sorry we all find ourselves here, but I’m sure there are brighter times ahead.

Ghost x

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