Gojetters

[Gojetters]

My husband is a very controlling and manipulative man, he initially tried to paint me as a bad abusive mother and got social services involved. That came to nothing so he has now kept a narrative of abuse inflictedD
on him by me.

The accusations range from coercion to financial control.

As he could not prove child abuse and DA, social services said we had to attend couples counselling or split up they also encouraged us to follow the safety plan which was if discussion is likely to escalate, we should get.

So he created an argument I didn’t engage so (detail removed by moderator) he wrote down his demands and told me I had to action all of them and refused to discuss. I said we need to discuss this, so He walked Out, I fed and bathed kids then got the ready for bed. No sign of him, I was starting to get anxious about him coming home and poking me into an argument. So I quickly packed a bag with some clothes looked out the window, he wasn’t coming back so I went to my car. He was standing by my car laughing and joking with someone on the phone. I panicked went back inside, then I thought “why am I frightened? I am following the safety plan we Both agreed on with SS.

I let him In and he asks if everything is ok, I said no, I don’t feel safe I’m going to my parents place. He laughed at me and repeated (detail removed by moderator) and went to the (detail removed by moderator) to call someone.

I put the kids in the car, then text him to say (detail removed by moderator).

He didn’t try to stop me, he didn’t try to delay me he certainly did not seem concerned about my mental state.

I waited for him to respond, he didn’t so I informed the police to say I’m fit to drive and I’m following safety plan. I didn’t want to waste their time but it is likely my husband will call to say I kidnapped the children because I’m mentally unstable.

He called social services next morning saying he didn’t know where I was and my mental state was not good and he is terrified I’d hurt the kids.

I asked why he would do that? I told him we’re I was going and that I was following the safety plan. SS said I did the right thing but he did not want to speak to me and had asked them to update him on child’s safety

Next thing I know he has (detail removed by moderator) moved his parents in (detail removed by moderator) and has refused to communicate with me. He didn’t even text to know how the kids were until a week later.

He says via SS he no longer wants to be in a relationship and has claimed our house. He hasn’t petitioned for a divorce yet he has sent me an email saying which days of the week he wants the children.

I can’t believe what is happening, I left for one night and it seems he has taken the opportunity to take the house. I believe he only wants the kids so he has more leverage to keep the house.

Where I am ok with him seeing the kids, I do not trust him, I certainly do not trust his capabilities to look after them overnight.

I am pretty sure he is going to use my reluctance to handover the kids as another way of me controlling him.

I’m not, he is not capable he is an anxious disturbed man on anti depressants (detail removed by moderator). He plays with kids then needs  (detail removed by moderator) hours in the shed to calm himself down.

He needs tablets to sleep, once he has taken those he may as well be dead. The kids are all under (detail removed by moderator).

 

 

[Gojetters]

He has come in right now to ask me if the child will sleep tonight. I said I don’t know he hasn’t had a nap.

He says presumably you, you have been with him all day.

I said. I’m not a soothsayer, lots of times he doesn’t have a nap, and he sleeps. Then there are times when he doesn’t sleep.

[Gojetters]

(detail removed by Moderator) I got a letter from social services saying that if we do not sort ourselves out by going to councilling or splitting up they will have to my child’s safety again.

He has told them a pack of lies, like I am the perpetrator of his abuse. I smacked my newborn baby (I didn’t). I refused to look after my (detail removed by Moderator) week old baby( Maternity leave was over, I’m the bread winner) called him a (baby)little shit, he clearly thinks it’s ok to shout homophobic and racist obscenities while he is in the car with us both.

He thinks I had PND( I got assesed and so did he. He is the one one prescribed with anti depressants and councilling)
He said I was paranoid and suspicious,logged that in (detail removed by Moderator) in (detail removed by Moderator) I find out I was right he has been having various emotional/sexual relationships online plus he was on dating sites.
He said it was research into BDSM he wanted to know how to be a submissive so he could deal with my abuse. Only he was taking the domanatrix role and his test group were not varied, all (detail removed by Moderator) yr old (detail removed by Moderator) girls. Not only that he had set himself as available with pic of him when he was (detail removed by Moderator). I didn’t buy it was my fault. I didn’t know what to think. He technically didn’t cheat. So he talks to mummy and comes back and says he realises he was cheating.

So he has logged all his lies. I have logged nothing, how do I get my side heard?
How do I show this man is lying?

His come home today looking for a fight. I did not engage. He is complaining about the (detail removed by Moderator) I’ve selected for my child.I asked if I am notable to make that decision? He has Thrown a tantrum and sulked off to The cellar to gimp and record the abuse I’m inflicting on him.

[Gojetters]

He left a an (detail removed by moderator) letter on the table, there was information on that there was (detail removed by moderator) transferred into an unknown account in (detail removed by moderator). He said it was a fraud attempt?? I don’t understand why would anyone put money into your account?

I’m so tired of this, I’ve got in touch with the bank and said I can freeze the money in our joint account, there seems to be only (detail removed by moderator) in there he has put our savings somewhere else.

Also I can’t help thinking he wants me to separate my money from his so I end up paying everything and he can say he is being abused because he earns less.

I am also pretty sure he is hiding money in his parents account. I really feel like I’m stepping into a trap.

Can anyone help? He has also put our child’s money into an account we’re he is the person In charge, I have no say. This is really hurtful because my parents and family members put that money in their for my child. I know my husband he will somehow arrange it in his head so he it looks like he took the money because it was in the interest of the child.

Can you help me please. FYI I do have a meeting set up with someone from citizens advice but that is still 2 weeks away.

[Gojetters]

Thank you “Wants to Help’

I will be better of financially if I did not have to subsidise his salary.

My fear is that he is going to get my son.

This is because he has played this by the book since our child was born.
(Removed by moderator) tried to label me with post natal depression and therefore unfit to take care of my child whilst I was in critical care. (removed by moderator).
My husband has deliberately provoked and pushed me into arguments and then left me out to dry. I have realised he has logged all these things as evidence and I’m frightened He will make it appear I’m the abuser and therefore an unfit mother. He has had depression since I met him he said it was related to his illness he cannot cope with the child for one Day and he certainly won’t be able to manage financially, (removed by moderator). So I said fine you pay your half the bills and I’ll pay mine, (removed by moderator)
He then came back with but I earn less than you, I was so angry I told him that was not my problem, I worked hard all my life and he sat around free loading because frankly I couldn’t understand why a a male (removed by moderator) could not get a job, I mean why did he settle as a (removed by moderator) days a week?

I want to control my money and my future like I have always done. I don’t understand the pathways/processs utilised to pin Abuser on a person. He does and he has it all logged. It is very lucky I am a truthful person because I spoke to my GP and the police when he lied about all the imagined threats and intention to hurt him. Because they made me feel sane. He also threatened to kill himself, I was so sick of him I said do it I don’t care. (Removed by moderator). Lo and behold immediate terror no longer suicidal and guess what, apparently he never said it I made it up. (removed by moderator).

I need control of my money so I can prepare for the future and any uncertainties.!it is the first time in my life I do not know if I have any savings. I usually keep at least (removed by moderator) months salary saved just in case. He has all the savings and technically I have access however he has so many direct debits set up and credit cards I cannot access I don’t have a clue.

I’m ready to change that, and I’m ready for Marriage councilling, Which he seems reluctant to do now.

I wanted another baby, I’ve given up on that, yet he still says it’s my fault he is not having sex with me. I laughed, honest truth he can’t get it up because he spends so much time wanking whilst watching porn. As soon as I had the baby he changed into a controlling pig.

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