greenfields

[greenfields]

Hi

I’m staying at a friends unfortunately she also has some OCD and boundary issues which feel very much some of his behaviours. Its difficult and so I stay in my space as much as I can, she doesn’t like to be disturbed and has said that I can stay as long as I don’t interrupt her work. (detail removed by moderator) to deal with. I can’t rely on her for emotional support as the last time I asked her she said when is the counselling call and to wait until I have that.

My support from the various services has been peppered as no one seems to have any plan and I keep being passed from pillar to post. The only thing that is happening is my counsellor who I have calls with once a week. I’m not sure that it’s good for me as she puts in you must feel very alone, frightened…. and it didn’t help much this and sent me on a spiral this week.

The services have said I am not high risk now as I am not in the house and closed the case. The domestic violence people have referred me to the local services and as I didn’t have somewhere permanent to stay it kept being moved as it is location based.

I have a list of things to do. The finding a solicitor and a therapist is the hardest thing as most don’t give me a decent answer as to their experience with these situations. I have someone reccommended by the support services but they are interested in getting an order against him, which he will counter act and he’ll be back in the house. I could arrange for him to rent somewhere I suppose so he is out of the house and I have the space back. I don’t know if that’s possible.

I’ve started to realise how much damage he has done to me. I can start doing something feeling confident and then get so fearful I stop and start to have a meltdown. This is what he did to me throughout the marriage and I can remember times when I was so upset by his behaviour that all I could do was to watch TV and stayed distracted from the internal upset. He’d come and make sure I stayed there by encouraging me to keep watching TV and doing nothing.

Sometimes I feel his behaviour has rubbed off on me and I’m crazy as he is.

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