hamster

[hamster]

Hi Lisa, I am new to this forum and I would like to give you an insight into what I have been through, and how it is affecting me know.
For over a year and an half I have been out of my relationship with my ex husband in which I suffered domestic abuse in the form of controlling, financial, emotional abuse for (detail removed by moderator) did not realize this until I was made to see how I was living by my family support worker. She came on board because I was reaching rock bottom, I had two boys who had autism, my eldest had not left the house for year and half to go to school and I was home teaching my youngest through is suggestion till he got the support at school, and I was shown this was is way of keeping me in, I was the prisioner and he was the jailer. This is hard to explain but it was like I was living in a bubble, did not know any different, and it wasn’t till I got in touch with woman’s aid through my family support worker I could see how I had been living, and how much control he had over me, and through these I was able to stand up to him which was really hard, and divorced him. While I was divorcing him I found that he had a debt of a large amount of money and loans everywhere, and to see how we lived was nothing special, and when I asked for anything he said we were ok with the money, and what I thought was a joint account was in my name only and he was taking out my income monthly and putting into his account.
After a period of time the situation within the family home was really hitting me rock bottom, and at weekends after he had the children they were turning against me, and my eldest was trying to control me, and in the end I at to leave and move out the area, and a friend put me up and all I left with was a carrier bag of clothes, and the boys stayed with him.
I know do not have contact with my family, he has turned them against me and I could not go over and see the boys in the grandparents house, at to walk the streets with them, and know I see them when I can, trying to build a bond back up with them, because this as been lost along the way. I know this can be hard for anyone to understand on what I did leaving the boys with the dad, but they were happy with him, and I could not cope emotionally with them then, and still trying hard to build up this bond I had with them.
At present know I am still trying to rebuild my life, trying to get a job which is really hard, all I ask is my independence, so I can have things I can call my own, by buying nice things.
Their is one glimmer of hope I have met a guy, and he loves me as a person and not an object, just taking it easy, its just nice to have companionship.
At the moment I seem to be going through a bad patch in which I am trying to fight, its like the world is against me by not being able to get a job, and this is my fault for being the person I was made and controlled through him, its like it was all my fault, and I am still deep down letting him control my actions, therefore their are still chains I need to break.
I know it is going take time, but when does it get easier I ask myself lot. and knowing that your group is out their I am not alone Hamster

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