happypositivealways

[happypositivealways]

Thank you for all the replies.
ftc, sorry to hear about your story. I sometimes grieve for the sister I’ve lost too.
Although I already knew at a young age that she was controlling and bad tempered but I thought this happened to all other siblings, I never knew she would get happiness from seeing me get hurt.

When she teamed up with her boyfriend to kick themselves in the door and broke the door chain and hid it afterwards. It really shocked me, I never thought anyone was able to do such a thing, it only happened on TV not in real live. I still find it hard to believe I’m being frightened like this now that I’m an adult.

She has a habit of paying for her boyfriends and buying expensive gifts for them. She thinks by giving them financial convenience, she will have control over them.

I wonder if there is a solution to this. Maybe she doesn’t know her behaviour is causing people pain, maybe if she knew then she would stop and we would still be a family.

Thanks HopeLifeJoy, your words mean a lot, I too wish a drama free life and hope all this frightening experience would stop soon.

[happypositivealways]

Hi HopeLifeJoy,
I can somehow relate to your story.
I have a sister who is very manipulative and controlling since childhood but I never imagined it would carry on into adulthood.

We had been sharing a flat which we lived in since we were children. My parents moved to another country a few years ago and my sister’s controlling behaviour started to get worse.
Trivial things like she would secretly put white vinegar in the kettle for me to drink or I’m only allowed to use a certain part of the flat or else she would throw my stuff out without telling.

Things escalated to a point I was so scared to see her in the flat, I ended up move most of my belongings to my room and leave the rest of the flat for her to use so my stuff wouldn’t get throw out.

A few years later, she moved out with her boyfriend. I thought things would get better but it didn’t.

She would bring her boyfriend to the flat and let him stay for a few weeks and I suddenly find myself living with a guy I don’t even know.
After they moved out, on one weekend not expecting anyone to visit the flat I had the door chain locked. When I came out from the shower I found the door chain had been entirely piled out from the wall, there was a big hole in the wall and the door was a mess.

She then wrote an angry letter telling me I’m not allowed to lock the door from inside even though she is living with someone else, she still has the right to use the flat and she doesn’t have to tell me when or who she is coming with.

Things got worse when I found out she gave her boyfriend our flat key and he just walked in to the flat on his own without telling me beforehand and brought boxes of their unused items into the flat and threw my stuff out so they can use the living room as their storage room.

For all these years, no matter what happened I’ve not told my parents anything because she is my mum’s favourite and
mum is always on her side. But I was so scared this time, I told my mum what happened. She told me not to have the chain lock put back so it would be easier for my sister to freely walk in.

I know my sister wants control of the property and is afraid she is going to lose control now that she doesn’t live here so she visits unannouced regularly and put her stuff in the flat to remind people of her ownership.

I’m saving up so I can move out but meanwhile I’m scared everytime I hear a sound in the flat.

My mum has been telling me my sister hasn’t done anything wrong and now she is pregnant my mum told me it’s only reasonable that her boyfriend be in our flat to do all the box lifting regarding their storage.

I feel so scared and bullied but the more I hear my sister is right the more confusing I get and I started to think maybe I’m the unreasonable one here.

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