I was exactly the same!
I stayed with my abuser for (detail removed by Moderator) plus years. I think for the last 5 years I would dream of living with my children in a house on my own!
Finally left (detail removed by Moderator) months ago & I am feeling stronger 💪 by the day!! You can do this, start making a plan for a safe escape. There are people who can help & support you through this, women’s aid have been my saviour. My children were getting older & I couldn’t hide stuff from them anymore: I would dread going home after work & found it more & more difficult to keep a smile in my face. I decided to break the cycle & save myself & my children from this hell. Best decision I have ever made, I feel at peace & my home is a loving, tranquil environment now. I don’t think I will ever be able to trust a man again! Set yourself free