hopefortomorrow

[hopefortomorrow]

Hi Hetty,

Thank you very much for replying and sharing your experience.

My situation sounds similar to yours, on the outside it looks like the picture perfect marriage and family, but on the inside I am dying.
I always hoped that things would get better and thought if I changed maybe my husband would love me and also change, only to find out he actually can’t stand me.
I have finally gotten to a point where I had enough, enough compromise, the change I am expecting is only a mirage. The more you give, the more they want and take until there is nothing left of yourself but an empty shell.

Thanks for your encouragement, I am really awed by all the responses from all the lovely ladies on this forum.

Thank you ladies!!

Hugs

xx

[hopefortomorrow]

Hi Overcome,

I appreciate your response and thank you for sharing your experience. It really helps me to put things into perspective and push forward to get the children and myself out of this situation.
That is part of the guilt for me too, that I am breaking up a family. But what family, if the head of the family is only thinking of himself and abusing us in the process?

The more I read up on the different types of abuse the more I realise how it is affecting my children directly and indirectly. I just have to push past all these negative feelings to keep going.

Thanks so much Overcome, I appreciate the encouragement, I will try to stay strong.

Hugs

xx

[hopefortomorrow]

Dear Eyesopening,

Thanks so much for writing back and for your encouragement. I guess guilt is how the abusers keep us trapped for so long. We literally have to push against it, to get out of the web they have created.
So true, self-care is so important, I am only realising that now, many years later. I always thought my job was to make sure all my partner’s needs are met and he is happy, to my own detriment, only to realise after so many years he actually does not love me or even like me at all. This is really sobering.

Thank you

Hugs

xx

[hopefortomorrow]

Dear Eggshells,

Thank you very much for your response and encouragement. I appreciate it and thank you for sharing your experiences.

My children are starting to see the signs that something is off with their dad as young as they are. They have expressed this to me verbally and sometimes they would even retaliate which brings on more anger from their dad. I realised (although I tried ignoring it) I have so much anxiety, stomach in knots around my partner, because we are walking on eggshells every day.
I really feel for them because the more I read up on the types of abuse, the more I see how it is affecting them (directly or indirectly). That is one of the primary reasons why we have to get out.

I agree with you there are so many different emotions during this time; I have always struggled with guilt (false guilt) being “trained” that way as a child.

Again, I thank you for your encouragement. It means a lot.

Hugs

xx

[hopefortomorrow]

Hi Spiderweb,

No problem, I completely understand as I have been in a similar predicament. For me it felt like I was going behind my partners back and I felt really bad the first time I called the GP, it was scary and I felt a lot of guilt. It took me years to finally tell some of my close family what is really going on because I did not want to rock the boat. Now that I finally took steps to open up, I am starting to feel better, like I am taking charge of my life again. I always hope things would get better and maybe my partner will change but the day he called me some very disturbing names is the day our relationship died, I realised he had lost all respect for me and there is no going back from that. Next would be physical harm.
So I had did really deep and pluck up the bit of courage I had to make the first phone call and after that so many doors started opening. Sorry for the long rant, just thought I would share with you in the hopes it encourages you. You are stronger than you think, you can do it.
hugs

[hopefortomorrow]

Hi Spiderweb, Eggshells gave some very good advice already. I contacted my GP and she was very supportive and seem to be very knowledgeable about this topic. She is why I contacted WA. I believe GP’s are getting a lot of these calls nowadays. Try and make the call when your husband steps out or when you go for a walk or something. You have to be discreet, find creative ways to do it, especially if you feel you may be in danger.

Take care x

[hopefortomorrow]

Okeydokey one last thing, you are strong and you can make it, one step at a time. The fact that you are on this forum shows strength and bravery. Don’t give up, fight for your baby. This is what these abusers do, they isolate you so you feel you have nowhere to turn, but there is help out there. You may feel lonely but you are not alone. Hugs x

[hopefortomorrow]

Hi okeydokey that is very sad to hear…I always ask myself how can one human being be so cruel to another, especially if they promised to love you and care for you. Could you get professionals involved e.g police, solicitors,your GP etc? Have you journalled the abuse? I have found that writing down the abuse made it more real and puts things into perspective. It could potentially help you in court. I am also alone, no friends, family, so have to lean on professionals and organisations such as WA. And I just appreciate the wonderful survivors on here who are sharing their stories and encouraging, it makes the journey less lonely.
Hugs x

[hopefortomorrow]

Hi Hebe thanks for your response. You really have a way with words. Thanks so much.
Now that I no longer allow my husband to get to me through mental and been focusing on getting help and getting out, its like he can sense something has changed. Something has changed, they day he called me a very derogatory name/s and intimidatinf me with his rage, is the day the relationship died. I always sensed in the later years something is amiss like he does not like me or even something close to hatred, but thought that is impossible. I started reading the book Why does he do that, but could not continue, it was so dark. And the more I read the more I felt worried. I watched a video about emotional abuse and the person said physical and emotional abuse comes from the same place, a very dark place. They would love to beat you, but too coward to do it so they resort to namecalling, which is just as damaging.
(detail removed by Moderator) he left the house close to (detail removed by Moderator) and returned an hour later, with no explanation. I am ot sure what to make of it. I am so grateful for all the ladies on here, I no longer feel so lonely. And thanks Hebe for the advice, much appreciated. How have you been Hebe?
Hugs x

[hopefortomorrow]

Thanks so much Hebe for your very encouraging message. I was in tears reading it, because it spoke straight to my heart. Your words were so soothing. I will take to heart all the advice and get in touch with various professional services to assist. I love to-do-lists so will make one and note to self to be kind to myself.
Do you think contacting the police would helpI know there won’t be an arrest based on this but at least it will be on record. What are your thoughts?
Hugs
x

[hopefortomorrow]

Thank you KIP, very eye opening. I now know what I must do, as hard as that may be. Thank you for your support and bringing me back to reality. It is easy to fall into false comfort, but as you said the good man act is just a facade, he does not exist. Heart breaking to finally realise that your entire relationship was based on a lie. x.

[hopefortomorrow]

Thank you KIP and thanks for the recommended books to read. I just remember few incidents of rage and its hard to pinpoint as its been drip feed of criticism, gaslighting and manipulation. Some days are good too which makes the covert abuse so confusing. I will start keeping a journal. I always wondered why my partner remembers events differently than me and insist that is how it happened. Its been hard to try and do stuff in secret, phoning GP, WA etc because my partner is almost always around.
I definately want to leave but feel a strong pull at the same time and a lot of guilt. I have read a lot of posts on here and comforted by the fact that many made it out safely.

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