Itsmylife

[Itsmylife]

Yes he is triggering my anxiety. I’m in a right state now about ringing the school and asking if they’ve told him.
You’ve got it in one!! He never used to ring, he never used to do anything with them he never had the patience and now he wants to do it all and act like father of the year.
I’m just worried they will say they can’t not tell him things. I need to talk to them just today is one of those days where I’ll cry even if you just look at me so I couldn’t face it this morning. Literally walked home from the school run trying not to cry.

[Itsmylife]

Thankyou kip, I have been trying to get through to the helpline, I wanted to have my info together today so that I could just get out of here but I’m running out of time now as it’s almost time for the school run then he will be home soon.

We have sports day tomorrow for my eldest so one more day will make that easier I suppose but I don’t know how much longer I can keep up the charade. And I STILL haven’t told him about (detail removed by moderator) this weekend away because I know he won’t be happy. I wanted to just be out of here so he couldn’t have that control over us going away for the weekend. X

[Itsmylife]

Am I better off going and then claiming some kind of benefits? I’m confused about what to do as I don’t know what my living situation is going to be.
I get so anxious about ringing these things, I don’t even like ringing the doctors. I always think they will think I’m being silly or it’s all in my head.

I’m gonna try and ring today. X

[Itsmylife]

That’s what I fear will happen so haven’t said anything.

Thanks kip x

[Itsmylife]

Thankyou for all your replies.
We got through the weekend! But He’s been saying to me you don’t want this do you, if your not 100% in it then it’s not fair for you to stay. Which he’s right it’s not fair on any of us. But I can’t help but think that if I actually said well no I’m not happy that then he would start trying to tell me he’s having the children and that they can’t see my mum let alone go away for the weekend.
The weekend away is booked and it’s for this weekend and I still haven’t told him!
I thought about just going to my mums today and that being it, but I feel sly and like everyone would think bad of me. I know I shouldn’t care about what anyone else thinks. My eldest has sports day tomorrow that we are both planning on going to. All these little things are putting me off because I don’t want it to be awkward when we then have to do them. I know I just need to do what feels right for myself and my children.

I could go to my mums I’m sure, she’s in hospital right now hoping to be better for the weekend but my dad will be there. I know deep down it will be better once I just do it but I know it’s gonna come with a lot of hastle and upset for my children as they won’t want to be away from their dad.

[Itsmylife]

I don’t want to be without my boys but do I have a right to have them if I’m ending the relationship? X

[Itsmylife]

Hi ladies thanks for your replies.
I’m worried that I’ve made this all seem worse than it is? He’s not violent at all. It’s just the way he is, the way he talks, the sarcastic attitude he gets when we’re trying to talk and he doesn’t like what I say. There’s so many little things that over time have just pushed me to the point where I don’t want to be around him anymore. There’s no joy and I do feel anxious that I’m either not doing enough around the house or that I’m not showing him enough affection (there’s been none lately because I don’t want to which is an issue for him) I understand him not liking that because I’d feel unloved and pushed away if he didn’t show me any affection, well he doesn’t show much to be honest and when he does most of the time he always wants it to lead to sex which I don’t always want.

Anyway sorry I keep going off on a tangent, basically I know I’ve had enough, it’s just not working for me anymore. But now that he’s worried it’s the end he’s trying to talk things through and I can tell he’s upset which makes me feel guilty. But I know that as soon as I say I don’t want to be with him anymore that will change. Again he won’t get violent but I know he want handle things very well. He will be horrible to deal with I’ll feel anxious, worried about the way he will talk to me, thing things he might say. And my main concern is our children, do I have a right to just go to my mums with them If he’s not physically
abusive? Whether he means to do it or not there has definitely been emotional abuse and control issues along the way.
He’s at the park with our children now and I feel ill which is why I haven’t gone. But I actually think I feel ill due to stress. And I’m dreading him coming back because he’s gonna want to carry on talking about it all. I suppose I’m just too scared to come out and say I’ve had enough I don’t want to be with him.

[Itsmylife]

Thankyou for your reply KIP.
He’s been texting me today and I have just mostly ignored him which I feel bad about first it started with ‘is it going to be like this all weekend then?’ then he’s caring and wants to know if me and my son are OK then telling me he doesn’t want us to be apart, he loves me and wants us to be a perfect family.

I replied and said it won’t be perfect though because he has to be in control and using the children to punish my mum isn’t fair on the children. (he hates my mum after a family fall out, now I’ve got back on track with my mum he doesn’t like it. She wants to take me and my boys away for a weekend with my grandad as he wants a break but my nan passed and we don’t want him going alone)but he won’t allow our children to go away with my mum.

I’m just dreading having to see him and deal with him and the situation.
If I had somewhere else to go temporarily for now and looked for a permanent home for us would I get benefits to help me? Do I have to go down a certain route or can I just claim on hmrc? X

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