Juniper

[Juniper]

Hi Everyone

I haven’t posted in awhile, and just thought I’d post an update.

So I filed for divorce back (detail removed by moderator), and we have just exchanged financial disclosure (detail removed by moderator). I’ve found out that he has hidden a rather large sum of money from me. To say I’m angry doesn’t accurately describe it. I’m absolutely raging. Hes hidden this for about (detail removed by moderator). He is also saying (detail removed by moderator). I have asked through my lawyer (detail removed by moderator) as I know he hasn’t spent the money on things he is claiming.

It was one thing knowing that I was being disrespected, the emotional/verbal/mental abuse but knowing this has completely floored me. I’ve basically spent (detail removed by moderator) with someone not knowing them at all. And being lied to consistently. It sucks indeed.

[Juniper]

Hi everyone

I havent posted in a few weeks so just thought I’d add some new information I’ve found out on my situation.

I went ahead with my meeting with legal and was gathering documents in order to separate from him. He still does not know that I am doing this.

In the meantime I managed to sneak his phone and had a good rummage through his email, messages etc and I’ve found some messages between him and his sister where they have been slagging me off to each other. His sister has said that I’m neglecting our child because I’ve been in bed for a few days (I suffer from migraines), that I’m lazy, dont cook or do things around the house. The stress of this situation has made me have alot of migraines over the last few weeks so I have been spending more time in bed. The sister has also said she thinks I’m depressed. The thing I worry about is that I went to the dr about my migraines he put me on meds that are also used as antidepressants. My husband knows this, and I’ve become paranoid that he will use this against me somehow. His sister also advised him that because I’m from another country that he should make it clear to me that should we separate our child would stay with him as they think I would just leave the country after divorcing. I have never said that I would do this or that I want to go back to my home country. I had the foresight a number of weeks ago to remove birth certificates,marriage certificate and passports from the house as I thought he might take these.

On top of that, I’ve also found out that hes restricted my use of the wifi in the house so i can’t get on to the internet. Hes also restricted some web domains as well. I feel like I’m living in some highly surveillanced house now. I’ve blocked his family members from any of my social media accounts as I’m also sure they are watching those and reporting back to him. A precedent has been set for that as they did that with another family member.

Anyway I just wanted to add the new info to my situation and see what people thought.

xx

[Juniper]

Thanks @IWMB for your reply- I’ve been keeping a journal of sorts- mainly just keeping a record of any incidents that happen. I usually do this as soon as I can because my husband twists everything around and then I’m usually so confused about what’s happened that I’m afraid if I dont write it down asap that I’ll forget whats actually happened. My family live in another country but they are aware of what has been happening. I’m fortunate to have some great friends who all I need to do is text them and they will come to my house if I need them. I’m so sorry for your experience too- I cant imagine what going to court would be like. I have an appointment with legal in the next few weeks and at the moment I’m constantly questioning myself whether its something I should be doing. Some days I’m really good at making plans and sorting things out and then other days I want to put my head in the sand and forget that anything has happened. Especially now when he’s being so nice to me. Then I read back all the stuff that I’ve written down about what he has said and done and I just dont know anymore. I’m quite a logical, confident person usually and being this confused has really done a number on me. I know only I can make the decision as to whether I stay or leave, but I wish someone would just tell me what to do.

@newyear2021- welcome to the forum. I’m a new addition to the board too, so cant provide you with any good advice I’m afraid but I can totally relate to your comment. My husband accused me of having an affair (which I haven’t) and has or was at one point keeping track of when I showered, did my hair and how I dressed. I’m sure hes still doing this but he hasnt made any direct comments to me recently. I’ve decided to start doing my hair and wearing it how I like and wearing nice clothes in order to make myself feel better regardless of what he thinks. Each time I do this it makes me feel that I’m getting a bit of myself back. And if it causes an argument I just write it down in my journal. So please keep posting when you can. I’ve found this forum very welcoming and a wealth of information. Take care xx

[Juniper]

So just a bit of an update- I have been in contact with legal to discuss my options before I make a decision. Obviously he does not know this. But hes been acting like everything is okay and being all nice and we can do things as a family. Except he had a go at me the other night for (detail removed by Moderator) and not having consideration for others in the house. It was not late at night anyway. And hes been removing (detail removed by Moderator) that I have chosen or put up and replaced with his. Just very petty things. But this whole thing has made me realise that I want and deserve something better for myself and my son. I have far too much self respect and I wouldn’t let anyone else treat me this way so why do I let him?

And thank you starqueen for your comment. I will take a look at the book recommendation. xx

[Juniper]

Thank you everyone for your replies.

I havent yet contacted my local women’s aid center but its something that I will consider. I find it really difficult to think or admit that he could be doing this to me as I’ve been with him a long time and it hasn’t always been like how it is currently. But saying that, in hindsight there has been a few things here and there that I let slide as I just thought they were disagreements which could have easily been dealt with and not instances where he was trying to control me. He always says that I am n**********c and that I have a persecution complex and that he’s just trying to help me. I’m starting to think maybe I do have a persecution complex after being criticized so many times for things.

Anyway, I will have a look at all of your suggestions and thank you for taking the time to reply. I’m still working out what to do, but you’ve all been so very helpful. xx

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