LateToTheParty

[LateToTheParty]

Thanks so much. I am reading up on the freedom programme and it’s very very helpful!

[LateToTheParty]

Hi everyone,
I’m SO grateful for all this advice and have started reading the books you recommended.
It’s true that my husband has always had a bad temper. He’s not often violent, but his moods are very unpredictable and he can explode for the tiniest thing. Yelling, insulting, name calling, making threats, giving the silent treatment and refusing to ever discuss anything that’s happened are common. He’s had a hard life and so he always wants me to feel guilty for that. He also interrupts my work day frequently and had always been extremely jealous.
A while back, I started feeling seriously depleted. I had some panic attacks, massive anxiety, and I find it harder to trust my own judgement than I used to.
Because of the serious threat he made, I do now have a plan for my own physical safety and I feel ok about it. But what’s particularly confusing is that I’m worried the ways I have behaved / learned to behave in our marriage has also been impacting my other relationships. I have a co-worker who is not abusive but who does occasionally lose his temper. With the co-worker, I often feel very anxious. I bend over backwards to try to make him happy and to take the blame for things that aren’t actually my fault. I think I may even sometimes play the victim with him because I hope he will be more supportive of me. This has also been going on for quite some time now, but it’s only this week that it’s occurred to me that I may have been taking out on my co-worker emotions that actually come from my marriage.
Does this make any sense?

[LateToTheParty]

Hi – I’m new here and trying to get my head around psychological abuse. Although my husband has been physically abusive towards other women, he has mostly avoided that with me. But after (detail removed by moderator) together, it turns out that a lot of aspects of our relationship do tick the boxes of coercive control. I don’t feel like I’ve been a victim. But at the moment I’m struggling: partly to figure out a safe way to leave (he has become more overtly threatening and I’m having nightmares); partly to figure out how to talk about this to our adult kids; and also because I’m starting to wonder if my own behaviour patterns from being in a abusive marriage have been affecting a separate relationship with a male co-worker. Over the past (detail removed by moderator), I have been hyper-sensitive to any criticism from this co-worker, and also hyper-anxious about his bad moods, even though objectively I know that my work is very good and also that my co-worker is not a violent or abusive person. Does it seem possible that I’m taking out my personal messy situation out on this co-worker??

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