LittleLionTamer

[LittleLionTamer]

I have read all of your posts, and I am so thankful for your insight in all of this. I am also sad that any of this has happened to you, too. I feel like my problems in comparision are miniscule – I even feel guilty for posting on this forum because in my mind I worry that I’m making it out into something bigger than it is. But the fact remains that many, many things had happened in my time together with him that I now can identify as manipulative and gaslighting, and even the nice things he’s doing now, I can kind of tell for sure it’s not because he wants ME to be happy, he just wants me to stay. Because why wouldn’t he? I’m the caretaker of this man child. Right now, I’m setting things in place that enable me to leave back into my home country. I am blessed to have a very supportive circle of people who help me in this. But how do I get over the guilt? How do I ultimately end it? What and when is the best time? It’s hard to “play along” with his sudden sweetness, pretending everything is fine. He even noticed a change in my behaviour the other day and said he started “worrying again”.

The thing is, he still has not made any attempts to find himself therapy. And without therapy I know that things will go back to how they were sooner or later. It also proves that he isn’t really as intent on “changing” as he said he was. I have to sit this out for another month or two and it is getting harder by the day when all I want is to end it now. But unfortunately, the only people I have around here in this country are his family, and they will be behind him.

[LittleLionTamer]

Thank you for your words on this. I did suggest therapy to him many times before, but I don’t think it will happen. I even suggested couples therapy. What really gets me is that he doesn’t usually self harm – in my time with him, it had only happened (detail removed by moderator) times. Once before we (detail removed by moderator), because (detail removed by moderator). Then a second time (detail removed by moderator), when he did something that upset me (which also resulted in some sort of gaslighting I think, because I ended up being the one apologizing and saying I overreacted, which he told me). And then this time. So I don’t know why he does it other than try to make me feel a certain way. It makes me fearful of what will happen if I leave, but I also know that someone else’s actions are not my responsibility. The problem is, I always take on that responsibility, and I don’t know how to stop it.

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