Littlemissconfusion

[Littlemissconfusion]

Thanks everyone I know I csntblet him back in and have to stay strong for the sake of my kids and me, we deserve better. You are so right it’s not me he wants it’s the lovely cosy life I had created for him that he misses. He doesn’t want to stay in his mums but doesn’t want to have to live by himself and be a responsible adult. I’m the one that makes sure the mortgage is paid electricity rates heating bills get the clothes for the kids. We had separate accounts and all the bills were paid from mine and he gave me money to buy groceries…that was it and if I ever needed money I had to ask him for it.. I don’t need him financially and no I’ve ralsied I don’t need him any other way either because I’d rather be alone that spend anymore time with him being miserable and scared. The only reason he wants back now is because he feels he’s punished me enough and thought I’d run crying after him begging for him to come back like I always have done. But not this time but now ineottuoabout how he will react when he realises I don’t want him and never will again.

[Littlemissconfusion]

Thank you, I suppose you do hold on to the hope that the best outcome as you say is always achievable when in reality it’s not cause eventually things will return to the way they were if not worse.

It’s great to have the support form this forum thanks so much

[Littlemissconfusion]

Thank you 😊 but sometimes you don’t feel strong and I worry that I could have the life I always wanted with him. Maybe these 4-5 months away he’s realised what he’s lost and will change. If I don’t give him another chance wil I regret it will I regret it if I do, if it goes wrong again it will be harder to get away. Plus to put my children through all that again is not fair. I love him I always willits letting go of the hope …that’s the hard part

[Littlemissconfusion]

He’s always done this to me and before I thought it was him just being interested and protective when really it’s controlling. When. You look back at the times when he would tell me not to do things with the kids , not to take them places just let the chill st home. He wanted to know where I was at all times but if I’m in work he doesn’t ring cause he knows I’m there. I look back over our (detail removed by moderator) together and I’ve very few
Moments where he’s been with us together as he always had things to do or work…he says he works to provide for us so we can’t have things! But I work too and the only time we’ve been away is in the last 2 years for 4 days maximum! Through the years when the children were smaller I used to spend the holidays going to parks or free local
Activities so they would have interesting things to do during their summer break. We’ve never been out as a couple together but yet he meets his mates on regular occasions and used to go drinking every week.
I’m annoued at myself for not realising a lot sooner that this wasn’t right.

[Littlemissconfusion]

Thank you all

Today again he rings as if he wants to know how he kids are but ask where I’m at what I’m doing. I said I’m in the house and three kids are playing and then he hangs up. He then rang again and I didn’t answer cause I was in the shops getting stuff for kids lunches. So he rings my daughter and then me again. I tel him I’m in the shop and said why where are you?! He’s finished work and buying himself drink! So he’s not rushing to see his kids in his afternoon off. I’m so cross, I feel like I’m overreacting and maybe he’s just wanting to know how we are but I feel like he’s checking up on me!!!

[Littlemissconfusion]

Thank you
I do wonder if he does have someone else. His mum told me he does go out mostnoght for 1-2hours and I should move in with my life. I know he left me and it was his choice but I still worry about him…I worry that he thinks 6 months away and everything will be fine. He won’t come up and move his stuff or take his belongings and I worry that’s because he does believe he can walk back in anytime he wants. I want to say to him come get your stuff but then I worry how he’ll react. I just feel like a prisoner in my own life ….I work full time and I don’t have family near me to help me out so I rely totally on his family. I used to go to gym and I can’t fo that anymore because it means I’d have to ask his family or him to take the kids and I know he’ll see that as me needing. Him and yet another way to have control over what I do and when I do it! Last weekend when I went to see my family and obviously took my kids with me he rang me to say that I shouldn’t take them anywhere just go visit my brothers sisters and then go back to my mums to relax and not to go to the nearby city as it was too ling a drive…he told the kids when I wasn’t there that it’s a 2 hour drive when really it’s only 40 mins.
I know I will have to say to him and take back control but I’m worried he’ll make things difficult for me and the kids x

[Littlemissconfusion]

Thank you all so much. Sometimes you get caught up in the games that they play that you don’t see the reality of your situation. He is doing this to keep his options open and maybe it is to allow me to be his fallback or to keep control. It’s hard to admit that the life you have normalised is not nor would never be acceptable to a lot of woman but you stick with it hoping that he will change and things will get better x I know now from his his behaviour that he’s willing to get on with his life and try to control me from outside. He did say that maybe (detail removed by Moderator) months should do it…what (detail removed by Moderator) months of torture of me trying to carry on for the children and then for him to walk back in when it suits him. After he think he has punished me enough.

It’s learning to stop yourself from worrying about them and trying to work out what he is thinking or their next step will be! I need to make a life for me and my kids without him x his mum has already told me that he’s getting on with his life and that’s hes not breaking his heart over me.

Thank you all for your support xx

[Littlemissconfusion]

I do believe he’s doing it so he can have me whenever he wants me or when it suits him to walk back in. I did think for a while he had someone else but I couldn’t prove it. But I do know he would leave the house when he was here to take phone calls. I know it’s just another form of manipulation

[Littlemissconfusion]

Thanks iwmb.

I know for me and my kids this is the best decision but it still makes it hard because deep down I want to believe he will change. I want to believe we can still have and be that happy family and couple. But i can’t tsk the chance anymore! I can’t risk him being physical abusive again and even though he regrets it how can I be sure it won’t happen again? It’s just hard because I do love him an when I hear he loves me it’s hard to let go !! So very hard but I have to do what’s right for my children and they seem happier x

[Littlemissconfusion]

He came up to the house He says he knows there’s nothing he can do becauee of the irreparable damage but he thought there was a chance! I’ll I said I can’t do it anymore …and he said very calmly but you scouts see he was upset so you’re telling me there’s no chance. I said the kids are happier this way and they don’t deserve to see the fighting. He was crying and said there’s always only been you will only be you. I said I’ll always love and care for you and he said I don’t mothering. He then brought up the man that’s kissed me and says have you been in contact with him and I said No I haven’t !! He says is this his life his mums? He said my life as always just you and the Kids but obviously I didn’t do enough….so you’re making the right decision and I understand…then he said we’re making the right decision. I feel absolutely awful..am I a bitch ??

[Littlemissconfusion]

He cries and tells me he knows he’s done irreparable damage. That I’m an amazing mother and woman that he misses us. I know I’m happier without him. My son even says it’s better ….less tension and he’s just a child! I know he won’t change but yet I feel he’s reeling me in but What if he means it?

[Author]

Posts