lonelyandconfused

[lonelyandconfused]

So I reported him to the police. The call handler was amazing, they arranged a visit from an officer the next day at a location i could get to so that my neighbours wouldn’t be alerted to anything and mention it to him. The officer was a young male, but he understood the seriousness of it and was really supportive, and got advice from colleagues when he needed it.

The following day two officers from a local domestic abuse unit came to visit. I felt like I was understood and supported and that I had done the right thing. It validated my thoughts – I know now for sure that what he is doing is unlawful and that I can choose to prosecute if I want. It gave me the strength to push forward with leaving, knowing I have their back up if I need it. It was the hardest call I have ever made, but absolutely the right thing to do.

[lonelyandconfused]

Robin, a lot of what you’ve written could have been me. I feel so sad that you are stuck in this cycle. I am going through it myself, and I have a plan to leave, but I feel enormously guilty too, because some of our relationship is okay. BUT…that doesn’t make the abuse okay, and I know in my heart that my child should not grow up thinking this is what a normal relationship looks like. Simply, it is wrong that your son is not enjoying being a child and going to parties.

Since I first joined this site, I have reported him to the police, had a visit from an officer to make a report, a visit from my local domestic abuse team and contact with children’s services. They all say the same – make the break, and stop the cycle. It is so so hard, but I know when I do, it will make my life and my son’s life so much better.

Have courage and be strong for your children x

[lonelyandconfused]

Hi Lightning Jet, I am in a very similar position. I am trying to work out how to make it end. I no longer see a future, I know he is emotionally abusive by controlling me. I have lots to work out and know I need to do it in a safe way because of our child. I don’t think there will ever be a right time, but just like Beenherebefore said, “There is no ‘good time’ you just need to mentally prepare yourself and provide the safest plan of action.”

If we didn’t have a child I would have left a long time ago but I wanted to see if staying was right for our child. I know now it isn’t. So I am getting as much advice as I can to see what my best option is. Its not easy but it will be worth it I know.

[lonelyandconfused]

Thanks Lyng for your advice, sorry to hear it got so nasty. I think my clients would understand due to the nature of their work, but I don’t really want to have the conversation with them, I’ve always kept business and personal quite separate. Nor do I want to unsettle our child by moving if I don’t have to.

An occupation order is, I think, based on the evidence of violence or the threat of it. He hasn’t ever been, just a bit rough with our child once about (detail removed by Moderator) ago, so I can’t see how that is an option for me. I can’t see how I would ever need to call the police as he isn’t violent, as far as I have experienced.

I feel guilty – we get along and have similar interests and on the surface it’s fine provided I don’t rock the boat. I think I am so isolated and used to how things are that I have accepted it as normal or as how things will be. But I know it isn’t normal, or how things should be.

I realised recently that by staying, I am depriving our child of knowing my side of the family that they don’t know exists. That doesn’t sit right with me at all. I need to do this for our child if not for me.

The Rights of Women phone line time that I can call is only once a week, so I will try again next time. I’ll try Women’s Aid too.

Thanks for listening, it mean a lot that someone can offer support and advice x

[lonelyandconfused]

Thank you both for your replies. I have considered an occupation order, or whether i vould work elsewhere. I could,but it would mean having a conversation with my clients and them being understanding.

I have started a diary going back as far as i xacan remember, which i keep securely online. I have also considered a bank account but assume this involves paperwork coming through the door.

I do need to speak to someone. I tried RightsofWomen today for some legal advice but line engaged.

I will keep going. I feel a whole mess coming my way to deal with, plus keeping some semblance of normality for our child. It’s all so so hard to do on my own but i will.

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