looptheloop

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It’s been a while now. I feel like I’m slowly trying to just feel okay. My hand is still near enough the same and the movement is very restricted so it’s limiting my ability to just do things as normal and I guess it’s actually making me feel quite down because I just feel like it’s a constant reminder of what’s happened and it’s like a reminder of how much I really cared for this person and the fact that they were able to do this means they cannot of cared for me as much. I have reached out to a women’s centre for some support because I am struggling. I don’t sleep much, don’t really eat and I generally just feel very flat and low. I don’t know I’ve never experienced anything like this these feelings and emotions are quite over whelming. I’m hoping the women’s centre can help me just listen to me and talk with me. I don’t know where I’m going to be living at the end of the month either because my mother has (detail removed by moderator) and she has told me I cannot stay with her because (detail removed by moderator). I’m just so stressed out I don’t know what to do I just feel like I cannot manage I cannot get over this it’s defeating me. I don’t know what others experiences of women’s centres are I’m anxious about going there to speak about what’s happened I’m scared they’ll involve the police because of how serious the incident was and I’m just scared about all of this I’ve lost my whole life really everything I had worked for and built up has been lost in an instant I’ve had to leave everything behind just to not get hurt anymore

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really thank you both of you. I had called a domestic service and I just couldn’t handle it. I couldn’t handle speaking about it. just started crying really badly and just couldn’t speak I couldn’t do it. this is unreal to me, I just don’t know. I get so upset, just uncontrollably upset. I’ve considered going back to him I know its all messed up but I do have feelings for him, feelings I can’t just erase. but I’m really trying to fight it keep it out my head. I just don’t know. I’ve read all the replies on here and I do have some understanding of what’s been going on, but maybe I just can’t believe it really, maybe because of all these conflicting feelings. I can’t keep saying the same thing I’m just in a constant battle within myself but it’s okay. I try to remind myself how lucky I am to be here and not buried somewhere and that even though I feel how I feel its not a good idea. a close friend of mine said ‘I know you still love him, well love him from a distance’ and for some reason that’s really stuck with me, because I guess it soothes my mind ever so slightly but keeps me safe from being hurt when he’s angry. I’m just thinking once my hand is better and I can go back to working and just some normality it all might feel slightly different.

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hello, I’ve not gone into any details about it with the doctors. I haven’t been able to speak to them. I’m having to buy over the counter pain killers because I’m waiting for the doctors. I think they’re under a lot of pressure. But I will let them know. thank you. I was thinking about reaching out to a service just for someone to speak to mainly. I’ve been thinking about it but it’s so frightening because I feel afraid to say too much to other people incase they get him in any trouble or anything. I don’t want that to happen. But I’m unable to work, this is now (detail removed by moderator) I’ve been like this and I can’t live if I can’t work and support myself. I don’t know if im able to sign on or anything like that as I’ve never done that before.

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@gettingtired thank you for those suggestions I have watched a couple of the YouTube vids. it helps to just try to understand it’s a good channel. what’s weird is I still feel like I can’t believe this but yeah difficult to explain but thank you helped me last night as I couldn’t sleep and just kept thinking and thinking and getting upset

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I’ve just reread my post and it does sound very like everyone potty me but it’s not what I’m here for I guess its a space for me to just say how I truly feel without a judgement or someone saying I shouldn’t think this or that and it’s nice to just say how I feel as there’s not been anyone I can really talk to about how I’m feeling. its so difficult to explain. I have panic attacks regularly still which is new to me and actually really frightening but have to keep strong and just keep going. I feel like I’m just walking through an empty space and nothing is around me and the atmosphere is just gloomy and poorly lit and im going through unnoticed and not disturbing anyone its so strange I’ve never felt like this before. I don’t know if anyone can suggest something I could read again I would appreciate that a lot.

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hello, I’d just like say thank you to everyone. I’ve been struggling over the past month just coming to terms with everything that has been going on. fo me right now I’m constantly thinking about how I feel about him still, the care I have for him but trying to understand what has been going on.
in terms of my injury I am unable to work and my hand is still out of use. to be honest there’s a very strong possibility that I would not be able to use it properly again. I’ve been trying not to focus on that aspect and trying to stay positive but it’s difficult. I’m very low, unable to eat as I just have no appetite, in a pain of pain from the injury and not motivated to actually do anything and its a horrible cycle. I would like to thank everyone again for their responses. I just feel like I can’t keep going like this. financially I have no idea what im going to do especially if I cannot continue with my career, I cannot stay where I am much longer and there’s no one that can help me. my whole life has fizzled out and its just becoming nothing. I don’t know what I’ll do if my hand remains the same for much longer, but its not looking good right now. I keep thinking im just going to end up being disabled unable to write, hold things, do my hair nothing really. but I guess this is all my fault I should have seen what was going on but I couldn’t and now its all over. my life feel pretty over if im honest.

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Thank you for replying. I’ve got medical attention just trying to heal up will take a while but will get there, it’s very painful and disabling but once it’s better then you know will be back to normal.
I’m feeling worried to talk about it with anyone because I don’t want to cause any problems with him or anything like that. I’ve been staying somewhere am I can stay here for abit to keep me safe.
but I will speak to someone and try to speak to a counsellor, I just don’t trust anybody really. I can’t believe what is going on right now. I love him so much and I last thing I want is for any problems because of me for him. I’ll be okay soon once I’m all healed up. I know he didn’t mean any of this and he gets really angry and like he said I knew he was short tempered and stuff so i can’t put this all on him. I’m not always the easiest person either and i have to keep that in mind as well.
Thank you to all the replies i will keep speaking here. it’s been really nice to have somewhere to speak about how i’m feeling and share small bits of whats been happening. hearing from other women makes you feel less alone and like no one understands it’s really something nice to look forward to instead of crying all the time thinking about how terrible life is and how pointless it all is really. you try to be happy and do the right things and you’re treated so nastily and mean eventhough you give all you can.
anyway i don’t want to keep going on and on probably just repeating myself anyway.

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i really appricate all of the responses. you women are just so kind to speak about what you’ve experienced

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i’m not sure how to speak to womens aid. i’ve got to try and find somewhere to live long term as i cant work for a while because of my injury i cannot even put my hair up without help. i’ve got so much all going on i can’t do it only 2 people know whats happened and i begged them not to report it anywhere

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i’m scared, i can’t tell anyone. i don’t want any trouble for him or anything like that. i’m ashamed i’m feeling horrible

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i’ve never been able to speak about how i feel to anybody before and even if i do open up a little bit it’s mostly ‘oh just leave or stop complaining’ kind of response and you know i’m just so confused because the way i feel about him is unreal and i just don’t want to leave someone i love so dearly knowing in my heart how much i love and care about them. i understand he has his faults but you know so do i. he’s said before that it’s not just down to him and that it takes both of us and maybe we could work on that together and make it better next time round. but a small part of me is really starting to question this from speaking to other women with similar experiences. but i know in my heart i just feel something so special for him and the thought of us seperating for good i just can’t imagine. i’ll always care for him, think about him

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@hawthorn has really made me think about what is happening and i’m just not sure it’s the best thing to do getting back together.

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thank you. i’m in a safe place right now, it’s just we was thinking we could get back together. he really wants to but he said it’s my choice. he says he loves me and he doesn’t want to be without me and i don’t want to just not be with him. i’m in love with him, i can forgive him but i’m just a bit worried

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i just want us to be okay with each all the time, but it seems like theres always and issue which then leaves the potential of escalation in behaviours from him. i’ve tried to speak to him and we do have really in depth chats but then it happens again and it’s like but why is this happenng after we’ve spoken and agreed to try harder

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the (detail removed by moderator) beat is him basically was saying i’ve slept with a lot of guys which he knows isn’t true because i’m very reserved unless in a relationship and he is my second partner. he say’s because i am pretty i’ve probably been out with many guys and had sex and stuff and because i’ve had a lot of rough sex then i’m looser but that’s not true i don’t know where this comes from with him. i had been on top and i just wasn’t get much satisfaction and wanted to switch to missionary but he wanted me to stay on top until he’s done because he likes it then afterwards he got annoyed because i wanted to change positions and started saying all that to me

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