lostinlove2020

[lostinlove2020]

Thank you again for your response, it really really helps.

I was very close to getting my friends to pick me up or my mum but have stayed to make sure I sort things in the right way for me going forward.

Fortunately, because of how life was before lockdown, I don’t have that much stuff in the house overall. I was living between family and the house to accommodate work and wasn’t worth moving my stuff in until decoration etc, so it’s minimal. Ideally, I funded the house and repairs etc so I want the house to be mine by the end of things, which his family agree with so I hope o buy him out. It’s a 50/50 ownership but if forced to sell, I would get the deposit back and money for repairs and then equity would be split. He owes me a lot of money for a business venture we tried which he does pay back but would hope that he would do the right thing and accept what he now has because of me and not try to take the house. He’s done a lot to make it a home but I’ve paid for it, haha!
I would then like to let it out and save again for somewhere else and I’d live with family again.i doubt it’s gonna be a good time to sell for a while yet so would be gutted to have to do that, but again, I wouldn’t live in the house anyway so if I had to lose it, I’d just have to crack on with it.

I’ve got all the house papers together which I’ll take with me when whatever happens happens. Again, everything else is with family.

He has online banking on his phone but he always says it doesn’t work, but I love online banking so not quite sure what his issue is! Even if I could, I probably wouldn’t do that though I can srr how it would be helpful. We’re together too much for me to be able to do anything so I respond first thing in the morning when he’s asleep.

You’re absolutely right! I’m trying to be as accommodating and tolerant as possible. I’m still being called names whenever I dislike how he treats me in my office, ugh. So I just have to smile more there.
I feel like I have to pretend to like him even touching me now, but sometimes it can just feel repulsive after how he can be.

That’s a very fair reason! I’m freezing cold all day but boiling hot at night, but I’m too young for menopause though I do wonder if it’s the Pill. Either way, I do struggle sleeping if cuddling too much or feeling stubble on my skin makes me go so itchy. Naturally, I’m a pussy for not dealing with it.

Having looked up grey rock, I think I had partially been doing it. He’s all about sparking a reaction so he might call me names and I’ll just be OK, cool, so he’ll keep going to find something that will get to me. I’ve always been told I have the patience of a Saint but he really pushes it. Sometimes I will just flip and turn it on me at to why am I yelling when he incited it. Guess that’s what he’s after so will have to remind myself of the long term goal and stay calm.

I downloaded it and my goodness, the pinpoint accuracy is simply astounding. I think when I have children, especially if a daughter, I would so want for them to read it and recognise the signs. I’ve read through a lot of it so far and glossed over some irrelevant bits at the beginning but describing the different forms of abuser and in the mind of them was just crazy. I could not believe how closely fitting it was.
Looking forward to reading everything else I can do thank you.

Interesting, thank you. I’m definitely in to that side of things and anything spiritual or intangible. I’ve had a couple of psychic readings done over things and it’s been very telling and got me, I would say very accurate. Obviously, I’m taking with a pinch of salt but it rang so true. It gives me hope too as everything leads to happiness for me so that kinda spurs me on to keep going.

Yes, I’ve tried to keep a record but should do it more diligently. Just makes me anxious knowing I’m recording it!

He is abusive, not assertive for definite. Even with his own family, I see him use underhand tactics to help him get what he wants.

Thank you so so much for your response again, it’s been so helpful and inspiring. I really appreciate it. It’s really wonderful that you use the experience you had to help others and I’m glad you got away. Thank you again, take care xx

[lostinlove2020]

Thank you so much to you all. You have all confirmed my own suspicions, wgigg in a weird way has made it more scary because now I know it to be abuse and before, it was just normal.
I just can’t believe the sheer number of women who have to go through the same thing, all with differences here and there but the same underlying core.

KIP, you are absolutely spot on with what you’ve said and I am always trying to keep up with the goalposts! I have not read it but know it exists, I just have to be careful because I couldn’t have him see it but QuietGirraffe has mentioned another book available for download so I would have to read them like that but definitely want to. I was reading a book called The Highly Sensitive Person which gave me a lot of insight in to myself as well, and it’s just sad the others can abuse a kind nature – he of course just calls me a snowflake. Thank you for your welcoming message and giving me some things to look up and learn.
Unfortunately, I feel very awkward trying to seek help with the lockdown in place but always contact my mum and friends when something happens and then delete msgs ASAP.

Iwantmeback – despite the topic, you have explained and expressed the situation so eloquently and it’s like any of us who have experienced this have a bond and just ‘know’. Again, thank you for the research tips – I love being well armed. As you suggested, I have started recording things and even got an hour’s worth the other day, like wow. Thank you!

Braelynn, you are not wrong! There are fleeting moments and then I go and ruin it naturally. He’s started a unsual cycle which he’s never done before where we’ll argue late at night, I go or try to go to sleep, and then he’ll stay up late and then cuddle me. It’s just so weird. He then doesn’t mention anything again. I can’t tell if he knows he’s wrong or what. He’s been very cruel about sex and me not starting it, not seeking interested, always being too tired etc… Is it really any wonder?!
My list of things I like about him is sadly very small nowadays.
In a weird way, I am thankful for the lockdown before I made any permanent decisions. We bought a house but I worked in a different city so commuted a lot and was due to work from home full time in the future, but I’m glad this has happened now where I’ve had no choice before I made the commitment without a way out.

Quietgirraffe, again you are spot on. Every nice moment you question the bad ones and you think maybe it’s not so bad, but when I think how I feel, I know it is. My head has been such a mess for all of 2020 and I know it’s been making me I’ll. His presence makes me anxious and ill get stomach aches, especially if I can hear and tell he’s in a mood with something. It just sets me off which is no way to live. Thank you very much for sharing your experience with me and to know that it was similar for you and equally confusing really helps. Thank you for the tip, I have to be very careful with my phone. He never looks at it but has had it when things cropped up – oops. I’m definitely one to see the best in everyone so I always hope that side shines through buti just don’t think that’s possible anymore, he’s too stuck in his ways and way too comfortable.

Thank you all again so so much for your responses. I will be getting out, it’s just a case of how and when. Do any of you have advice on that?
Please all take care and stay safe. Xx

[lostinlove2020]

Thank you so much to you all. You have all confirmed my own suspicions, wgigg in a weird way has made it more scary because now I know it to be abuse and before, it was just normal.
I just can’t believe the sheer number of women who have to go through the same thing, all with differences here and there but the same underlying core.

KIP, you are absolutely spot on with what you’ve said and I am always trying to keep up with the goalposts! I have not read it but know it exists, I just have to be careful because I couldn’t have him see it but QuietGirraffe has mentioned another book available for download so I would have to read them like that but definitely want to. I was reading a book called The Highly Sensitive Person which gave me a lot of insight in to myself as well, and it’s just sad the others can abuse a kind nature – he of course just calls me a snowflake. Thank you for your welcoming message and giving me some things to look up and learn.
Unfortunately, I feel very awkward trying to seek help with the lockdown in place but always contact my mum and friends when something happens and then delete msgs ASAP.

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