Mrscookie

[Mrscookie]

Thanks Always Sorry, I’ve read that line of the assault part back to myself pretending it’s a friend that told me this. I would have told them to leave and never go back : (
I’ve always reasoned with the situation in my head that because the assault was not rape or serious in nature (I can say detail but horrible experience) that it wasn’t that bad.

[Mrscookie]

PS thanks hugely for your support. I know we’re anon people on a forum but’s it’s hugely helpful. X

[Mrscookie]

I did mention it the other week, his response was “this is very boring”. I know it’s awful to write down.

I am living alone now, I have set strict boundaries. I am also taking 100% responsibility for my life and what is in it and it feel a lot better for me to do that, rather than blaming other people for my situation.
IE (detail removed by moderator)I chose to allow a new boyfriend who was being supported by his mum to live with me. I chose to have a baby with him. I chose to stay when there were clear signs of his un supportiveness- I remember when I was heavily pregnant, something happened on the bus and he just stood by and said nothing. I can’t quite remember the detail but I do remember being upset at him not showing any support.
I have tried so many times to say he needs a plan B career, however I have never given him an ultimatum (I don’t like doing that type of thing).

I am also clear that these are my requests: be financially responsible and communicate clearly. That is it.
This is what I expect in a marriage, however these simple requests which I think are pretty standard have resulted in this tirade from him. Just to be clear there was no financial target, it was just try your absolute hardest, pull out all of the stops and don’t put all eggs in the one basket.

The stuff that man says to (detail removed by moderator) is horrible. I also have comments that are a lot more subtle, but are surrounding my intelligence and ability to study.

[Mrscookie]

Thank you all so much for all of your replies. Immediately my mind goes to tell you more – to make sure this is balanced, as we had 10 years together and I have only given you a picture of the last year which covers the seperation.

When we were living together, he was not emotionally abusive. In-fact he looked after the family in terms of cooking nice food every day, doing shopping, cleaning etc – he was a home maker.

The finances however have always been an issue, he is as mentioned single minded re his career, to the point where he refuses to do anything else.

I am not an angel…. I can snap, especially when tired and hungry : ( I can be bossy, messy, I also threw him out (which he reminds me of.

He is also hugely friendly, charming and popular with friends. All of these points lead me to doubt myself.
Plus it’s also very difficult to call someone you love ‘abusive’.

[Mrscookie]

Thank you, his aggression is passive aggressive and his anger is all internalised – it’s sad to see. Have you heard the term ‘ManChild’? This describes him perfectly.

[Mrscookie]

I should have mentioned, it took me (detail removed by moderator) to get a response as to why he excluded me the other weekend, he said it was because he was upset about the journey down.. my point is why have sex with me then!?
He also did not pay for the accommodation and asked me to pay for the whole thing when we were away.

He is fully supported by his mother, she provides free lodging, pays for his bills and food.

[Mrscookie]

Ah, yes ok that has just opened my eyes to the fact she really means manipulated and bullied by him as well as by me (the comment was def to me). His other brother is just awful as well to her – hugely manipulative, really passive aggressive. Lives off her as well, super entitled.

[Mrscookie]

He sat around for 8 months until he could get paid work making art. He made about (detail removed by moderator) in that time. I hate even writing about it – I want him to be supportive both financially and emotionally, but sadly he’s not.

[Mrscookie]

I couldn’t agree more. This “boy” is now (detail removed by moderator) old and sill living off his mum almost a year later.

I’ve actually asked her to charge him rent and bills, however she’s refusing to give a response and has said she feels manipulated and bullied and that I shouldn’t speak to her like that, however I was very polite but also firm.

[Mrscookie]

Thank you Xx

[Mrscookie]

Ok thanks, he has them every other weekend for a Sat night, it is all he will commit to at the moment. I very much doubt they’d try and take the kids, as that would mean they have to look after them full time, which is obviously a huge responsibility. I am mindful of it though, I will no longer talk to him re my MH issues for example as I don’t trust him any longer.

[Author]

Posts