needadviceplease

[needadviceplease]

Oh I really feel for you babs, it’s totally understandable to feel that way when you have good memories of someone in the early stages. The best thing for it in my opinion is just to remind yourself that he is not that person that you remember from the start. The police told me that it’s common for the start to be a honeymoon phase and to feel great but then his true character will start to come through. Even though it’ll hurt to see him with someone else you are better off without that person in your life. He will never consistently be that person you remember from the beginning because it was not his true self. You saw his true self and you got out, you did the best thing for you. It might help to look at that as the courageous achievement it is, and try to think about how much better you are without him. The feeling will pass and we’re all here for you whilst you’re waiting for it to go away x

[needadviceplease]

Hi,

The fact that you’ve been fighting for some time shows you have the strength and the courage to do it. Whatever the problem is – you’ve pushed through it before and you can again. It might help to give yourself a self care day, have a bath or shower and relax doing something you enjoy even just watching something on tele to nurture that drained and tired feeling. You can’t be 100% all the time and that’s absolutely fine.

You are stronger than you know, whatever it is – you CAN do it. We’re all rooting for you, if it’s safe and you feel comfortable to do so please let us know how you get on and if you need anymore encouragement for the final push. Xx

[needadviceplease]

I’m so so pleased you’re taking that step, it shows a lot of bravery and you should be proud of yourself. I really hope they help you! Xx

[needadviceplease]

The fact that you’re even questioning if it’s you that’s the problem suggests to me that it’s not you! People who are delusional or overreacting don’t often question their reactions. It’s totally normal to worry that you might be making a mountain out of a molehill especially if your partner is telling you that you are. And something that helped me that I saw on the internet was “after the first no it’s coercive behaviour” so if you’ve said no and he’s carried on persisting that is coercing you into sex that you don’t want to have. I really feel for you it sounds like you’re going through a lot, and people react to trauma in all sorts of different ways so to me it makes perfect sense that you’d cuddle your partner after they’ve done that to you because you might be seeking comfort and he’s the person who’s right there to “comfort” you. Please don’t look at that as your fault it’s totally understandable. Sending you a virtual hug – you are NOT crazy ❤️

[needadviceplease]

Thank you for responding I really appreciate it. It’s helpful to be reminded that he is probably lying about his history, I’ve sort of been believing all of his explanations out of denial. Ideally I’d go through the proper processes like you said but I really can’t involve police, I can’t really explain why on here without it being too specific. But like you say I know I need to get an exit plan and get out safely. I think changing my phone number might be the best bet to have contact completely cut, and I’d like to get a job somewhere he doesn’t know I’ll be. He feels almost inescapable because he’s very well known and he and his friends are everywhere, I really dread bumping into him after things are over. It’s just a case now of getting up the courage to do it all and not worry about what he might do to me or himself. But encouragement like yours really makes me feel like I can so thank you

[needadviceplease]

Yeah I can imagine! You are and will always be better off without him in your life and you’ve done an amazing thing by getting out. Its totally understandable to feel how you are but it’ll pass with time I’m sure of it. Hope you have some better days ahead x

[needadviceplease]

Thank you so much for taking the time to say that. It’s so relieving hearing that other people that have been through the same thing managed to get out of it. Somehow reading about it and actually hearing it from real people feels so different. Thank you

[needadviceplease]

Thank you so much for that. I haven’t shared this level of detail about it with anyone in my life so it’s so nice to finally receive some support and advice on what’s actually going on. It is really relieving to hear that. I’m so grateful thank you x

[needadviceplease]

That is really inspiring to read. I’m so pleased for you that you’re in that place where you can look back on it and see how far you’ve come, I really hope I can do the same. Thank you for sharing that it really helps put things in perspective from someone that gets it xxx

[needadviceplease]

That’s really touched me, and it’s so nice to be reminded that my safety and well-being matters too. Thank you so much

[needadviceplease]

Thank you so much for your encouragement. I really appreciate you taking the time to do that. And it’s so relieving to be reminded that I shouldn’t feel so responsible for his threats. Thank you.

[needadviceplease]

This is really helpful to hear thank you so much xx

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