pheonixroserising

[pheonixroserising]

hi Karmasister

No definitely not aimed at you. I too found it difficult when women were swearing, discussing sexual abuse openly or the abuse they suffered in front of children, smoking and smoking weed etc
I sat and talked about these issues with my son, my daughter has severe learning delay and didn’t understand what was going on with these issues although there were times she was distressed.
I have to say the second and third refuge we were in was run very well and largely we could retreat to our flats and avoid some issues. And poor parenting was visible but not any physical or verbal abuse of children. The whole experience has changed me and my son, however we have developed a deep bond and talk about issues in a positive way and discuss how alcohol and drugs can affect people and cause problems. I try to promote acceptance of all people whatever they are doing, we do not need to copy we can learn from our own mistakes and from other peoples but we do not accept harmful behaviour towards ourselves and we do not deliberately hurt or cause harm to others. I have to say he has always been very anti smoking and raised many conversations and complaints to me about where some people were smoking

[pheonixroserising]

I had to move away from my family and friends into refuge and I thought that I was utterly broken, I hadn’t realised how damaged by the mental abuse I had become and how much we had suffered and how it affected me, but I found the positives outweighed the negatives, I found strength in the other women and my son found resolve in meeting other children like him, it was a tough time at first we were in a communal refuge and then we moved to self contained which was great, The staff at all the refuges I stayed at this year were amazing and I have so much to thank them for, as for the people who break rules or morals, yes I met people who drank and smoked and did weed BUT I have not lived their lives and how they coped may be not be how I or you would choose to get through it. People self medicate to forget the abuse, myself I have gaping holes in my memory and I still have nightmares and awake in terror I have anxiety and panic attacks and I am on medication from the DR but some people cope by drinking etc – it’s so hard we have all been through so much hell and I try not to judge I do not walk their path Knowing I could live without fear of being found was liberating and I could do things my way. I had more time for myself and the children and I have started to discover who I am and what I like to do.
Unfortunately you can never get on with everyone and that’s the same in a refuge although I never witnessed any arguments, but when we live in a street we do not get on with all our neighbours. all in all my experience has been amazingly positive
I’ve had time and space and support to discover myself and the most important thing is that you and the children are safe and together

[pheonixroserising]

I have been “free” if that’s the right term for several months now , we spent several months in refuges and were located out of area, I started a small amount of telephone contact as my son was desperate to talk to dad when Christmas approached, I believe he was scared of rejection at Christmas and was having a difficult time after having moved into our own home and he’d had to move schools again. Of course after the initial wonderful love you conversation the calls quickly became aimed at getting to talk to me, and the abuse started again. I had to call the police after one vicious onslaught at me re divorce and smashing the whole house up etc etc so I didn’t get anything. He was warned for harassment. Christmas eve was a nightmare , of course the promised Xbox 1 was never bought and the shouting at me continued (as he knows I monitored the calls) Christmas Day he never called the children and didn’t answer when I tried to get his Disabled daughter to call, So my son had the rejection he feared and coped very well I have to say and we soldier on as team So NO MORE CONTACT I tried my hardest to enable him to build a loving relationship but as he told the kids He wants whole package Me and kids (not an option ) if not he doesn’t want them He’s done nothing to try to see them after we were moved away (ie applying to family court) So why why why do I feel guilty, knowing he and his family are persecuting me to death because he hasn’t seen his kids this Christmas ????????????

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